A few years back, I was watching The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, as I am often wont to do. The guest that evening was a famous actor who had lent his voice to an animated movie of some kind, and while I don’t remember who it was or what movie they were pimping, I do remember that it led to Stewart, in whose judgment I usually place all my faith, denouncing the then-recent Space Chimps as simply awful. And he mentioned the movie derisively again, in the 2009 post-Oscars episode, lamenting having had it in the office pool. Basically, Jon Stewart really hated Space Chimps.

But, I wondered: why?

I liked it.

The first Space Chimps movie was kind of awesome, in my opinion, and completely, insanely adorable. It centers on Ham III (Andy Samberg), circus performer and alleged grandson of actual simian space pioneer Ham, who -- through wacky circumstances I won’t enumerate -- ends up on a manned (sorry, chimped) space vessel with trained astrochimps Luna (Cheryl Hines) and Titan (Patrick Warburton). Naturally, there’s a wormhole, they crash land on the candy-colored planet Malgor, meet sundry alien life -- including squeaky voiced naked kewpie doll Kilowatt (Kristin Chenoweth) and the musically delicious Gummi Bear/jellybean hybrid entities known as globhoppers -- and end up saving the locals from the predations of cruel overlord, Zartog (Jeff Daniels). The chimps return home as heroes, with Zartog encased in supposedly insoluble metal stasis, and the Barenaked Ladies song “Another Postcard” playing over the closing credits. If I hadn’t already enjoyed the movie thoroughly -- especially, I have to say, the globhoppers, which are a form of alien life I want to be real even more than the Na’vi -- then that would have sealed the deal. (‘Cause I love me some Barenaked Ladies. The fact that they composed the theme song is the only reason I started watching The Big Bang Theory.)

So when I learned there was to be a Space Chimps 2, I was unreasonably excited. Even if it was straight to DVD. (Though, inexplicably, enjoying a UK cinematic release.) Even if Andy Samberg and Kristin Chenoweth were not returning. Even if the subtitle Zartog Strikes Back did strongly suggest that dreary alien megalomaniac Zartog would be back and, like, strike at something. I still really, really, really wanted to see this movie. Plus, it was to be released in 3D. And 3D just never gets old.

If I’d known this outing was to be all about Comet (Zack Shada), the hero-worshipping would-be astrochimp and quintessential tech weenie from the first movie, I’d have been less excited. And if I’d further known that the threadbare plot devicing that sends Comet to Malgor while simultaneously releasing Zartog from his Earth-bound imprisonment as a lawn ornament would make the first Space Chimps script look like that of The Usual Suspects, I’d have been even less less excited.

The plot holes in this movie are big enough to pilot a space shuttle through, and still have room for the Death Star to overtake it. All the coolest things about Space Chimps 2 are pretty much retreads from the first movie (and the one thing that should have been relentlessly retreaded, the globhoppers, is practically ignored) and all the dumbest things about the first movie are amplified to the point of utter, screaming moronity in this second.

Now, before I get too worked up, let’s take a beat here and acknowledge that this is a -- say it with me -- kids’ movie. Moreover, it’s a direct-to-DVD sequel to an only mildly successful kids’ movie. About chimps. Space chimps. I really shouldn’t have had any expectations of it at all, let alone ones high enough that they could be disappointed. But, dammit, I did. I had expectations. And they were disappointed. There are moments of humor in here, even the occasional jest that isn’t wholly derivative or obvious. But there is simply too much Comet (with whom I think Killowatt was creepily flirting), with his annoying voice and disingenuous ways. Too much silliness. Too much reliance on genius Dr. Jagu’s sweet dance moves for laughs, which was hilarious in the first movie, but here just falls flat. Too much cliché villain Zartog, who wasn’t all that funny or interesting in the first movie. Too much questionable science.

And, as already mentioned, there are not nearly enough globhoppers.

Yeah, so Space Chimps 2 is stupid. So stupid that it now has me questioning whether I did enjoy the first movie as much as I’d thought I had, Barenaked Ladies songs notwithstanding.

And you know what? Upon reflection, I think Jon Stewart may have had a point.

  -- Rachel Hyland