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Whenever ye have need of anything, once in a month, and better it be when the Moon is full, then shall ye assemble in some secret place and adore the spirit of me, who am Queen of all Witcheries. There shall ye assemble, ye who are fain to learn all sorcery, yet have not yet won its deepest secrets: to these will I teach things that are yet unknown. And ye shall be free from slavery; and as a sign that ye are really free, ye shall be naked in your rites; and ye shall dance, sing, feast, make music and love, all in my praise.             -- Doreen Valiente, Charge of the Goddess                      "I've got a shot at being a badass Wicca"            -- Willow, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Choices" (03.19)

Having exhausted the topic of vampires, the question became: what would be the best list topic for our Halloween issue? Of course, given that this is the Top 13… and 13 makes a coven… witches are the natural choice!

You can forget about the falling leaves, the pumpkins and the sugar high from all that Halloween candy. The one thing that I will always think of come October are witches. Although movie and fictional references to Wicca make me boil with rage and wave my BA in Religion around, most fictional witches are in fact, delightful. Whether they are good, evil, or something in between, they always have that certain flair that captures our attention. And although some have implied that I might have an unhealthy affection for the undead, really witches are my favorite.

Below are 13 of some of the greatest pop culture witches. If your favorite is missing, I apologize; if I’d had more space, I would definitely have included such honorable mentions as Diana Tregarde, Serafina Pekkala, the Halliwell Sisters and, of course, Broom-hilda. [Incidentally, we have not included sorceresses on this list. That's a whole other Top 13. - Ed.] But here are my personal favorites, in the order of my acquaintanceship with them:

1. The Wicked Witch of the West AKA Elphaba Thropp
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz,  Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West

The Wicked Witch of the West is the ruler of Winkie country and sister to the slain Wicked Witch of the East. She is obsessed with a pair of ruby slippers, and she sends creatures and performs spells in order to get them back from the girl who killed her sister, the unwitting Dorothy. In the end, Dorothy kills the Wicked Witch by dousing her with water, melting her until nothing is left but her clothes and black hat. In 1995, the Witch received a facelift in the novel Wicked. Named Elphaba Thropp, she is a much more sympathetic character and is a metaphor for people who have good intentions but execute them horribly. While the original Witch was told from the vantage point of Dorothy on her journey through Oz, Elphaba has a story as tried and true as the Hero’s Journey can get. Born to community leaders of Munchkinland, she is ostracized for her green skin. Continuing through school she becomes a supporter and later an activist for sentient animals called… well, Animals. In the end, she does battle with the Wizard of Oz and his oppressive government policies. Finally, in a last act, the Wizard sends Dorothy Gale after her, with tragic consequences.

Why She’s a "Badass Wicca": The original pop culture witch, the Wicked Witch of the West is iconic in every way. With her black hat, green skin, broomstick, and cackle, she has set imaginations alight and been the inspiration for millions of Halloween costumes around the world. She even has her own theme music, which is awesome, because… don’t you wish you had your own theme music? (I’d like mine to be “Got to Give it Up” by Marvin Gaye.)

Where You Can Find Her: First appearing in The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by Frank L. Baum (1900), she is perhaps best known for Margaret Hamilton’s gleeful cackling of the line “I’ll get you my pretty… and your little dog, too!” from the 1939 movie adaptation. As Elphaba, she is in Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory Maguire and Wicked: The Musical, in which she was most famously played on Broadway by Idina Menzel (of Rent and Glee fame).

The Quote:

"I know you don't want to hear this but someone has to say it! You are out of control! I mean they're just shoes... let it go!"

-- Glinda, Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory Maguire (1995)

2. Eglantine Price
Bedknobs and Broomsticks

In a quiet English village during World War II, Eglantine Price has been studying witchcraft through a correspondence course in order to help the war effort. Just as she attains the title of apprentice witch, she receives word that her magic school is shut down because of the war, and she makes use of the bed knob she has infused with a traveling spell to whisk herself and the three orphans living with her to London, to confront her teacher, Professor Emelius Browne. Learning that he is a fraud, she takes matters into her own hands and travels into different lands and dimensions to find the spell she needs in order to stop the forthcoming Nazi invasion. Finding the spell, she returns home, enchants suits of armor into an army and drives the Germans out of England. However, her workroom is destroyed in the process, and since she no longer has access to any spells (and couldn’t remember them if she tried), Miss Price decides to give up witchcraft.

Why She’s a "Badass Wicca": Miss Price is the kind of older woman that lives on her own, does what she wants and is completely fearless. Although she doesn’t want to take in the children, she ends up welcoming them and becomes a loving guardian. Her dedication towards the war effort (in the movie) leads her to do things and go places that she might not have before, and she does so without complaint. She begins as an apprentice witch who can barely ride a broomstick and twists her ankle doing so, but by the end of the movie she can fly and control a whole army made up of suits of armor. And all while singing a jaunty tune as everyone breaks into improbably well-rehearsed song.

Where You Can Find Her: First seen in The Magic Bed Knob; or, How to Become a Witch in Ten Easy Lessons (1943) and its sequel Bonfires and Broomsticks by Mary Norton (of which an omnibus edition, Bedknob and Broomstick, was first published in 1957), she was played by Angela Lansbury in the 1971 Disney movie adaptation, Bedknobs and Broomsticks.

The Quote:

MISS PRICE:	That's my nightgown.
MR BROWNE:	Is it, my dear?
MISS PRICE:	Yes, and I am not responsible for its behavior.
	-- Bedknobs and Broomsticks (1971)

3. Jadis, or The White Witch of Narnia
The Chronicles of Narnia

Descended from the royal line in a land called Charn, Jadis eventually fights a civil war with her sister and uses the Deplorable Word to destroy her own homeland as she is about to lose. She stumbles upon Narnia as it is created, becomes immortal there and vies for power, eventually dominating the Narnians 900 years later and plunging them into a winter that lasts about 100 years -- until the Pevensie children show up to usurp her throne. She controls many of the animals and spirits in Narnia, even the animals that end up helping Lucy Pevensie and her siblings defeat her; she enchants Edmund Pevensie to betray his brother and sisters; and, in one of the most heart wrenching scenes in children’s literature, she cruelly sacrifices the Lion-God Aslan on the Stone Table. However, Aslan rises from the dead and eventually kills her.

Why She’s a "Badass Wicca": While some witches in fiction are bad and some are good, most of them have some sort of inherent likeability, some redeeming features. Jadis, however, is not even remotely likeable. She is scary as hell and a representation of true, sociopathic evil. I really have to agree with Prince Caspian on this: if it were a choice between losing a war to the man that killed my father and bringing the White Witch back into the world, I’d choose the former. Jadis is the thing that nightmares are made of.

Where You Can Find Her: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (1950) and The Magician's Nephew (1955) by C.S. Lewis. She has also been played by a variety of actresses in the TV and movie adaptations of the books, most memorably by Tilda Swinton in 2005.

The Quote:

THE WHITE WITCH:	You know, Aslan, I'm a little disappointed in you. Did you honestly think by all this that you could save the human traitor? You are giving me your life and saving no one. So much for love. Tonight, the Deep Magic will be appeased, but tomorrow, we will take Narnia forever! In that knowledge, despair... and die!
	The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005)

4. Louise Miller
Teen Witch

Teenage nerd Louise is bullied at school and has a crush on a boy who is completely out of her league. Incredibly smart, socially awkward and in possession of a gross younger brother and tragically unhip parents (who force her into the worst possible outfits), one night she goes into a fortune teller’s house to use the phone and finds out that she is a witch, who will receive magical powers on her 16th birthday. At first she doesn’t believe it, but after some weird things happen, she is convinced and does what any geeky teenage girl would do: uses her newfound powers to become the most popular girl in school and get the cute quarterback to date her. While at first everything seems to work out, things spiral out of control and she loses her best friend. In the end, she learns that having faith in herself is the most powerful magic. (Awwwww.)

Why She’s a "Badass Wicca": Let’s face it, Louise’s charm doesn’t actually come from Louise. After getting everything she wants, she neglects her best friend and creates superficial relationships with people she claimed to hate. She can’t even be sure her boyfriend really likes her! But some of that is par for the course of being a teenager, and not caring about deeper issues of what love really means in both friendship and family. I like to imagine a grown-up Louise who has come into her own and has all the deep relationships she never knew she needed.

Where You Can Find Her: Played by Robin Lively in the much-loved classic Teen Witch (1989), recently made available on DVD. A clip from the movie, “Top That”, is one of YouTube’s most popular viral clips of the past few years.

LOUISE:	Astroth Barbas Tetragrammaton Theos Ishnos Athatos!
POLLY:	What?
LOUISE:	It’s a... a new U2 song. Yeah, it’s really cool. It’s an import.
	-- Teen Witch (1989)

5. Samantha Stephens
Bewitched

Before there was Sabrina or Willow, a very clever TV witch by the name of Samantha came into mortal society, fell in love and married a rather closed-minded human named Darrin Stephens. After Darrin found out that she was a witch, he made her promise to forsake her powers; she does try, but her magical family keeps causing all manner of wacky situations that require her to wrinkle her nose and fix them -- which is what kept this sitcom on the air for eight seasons. In fact, some of the best things about this show are the characters that aren’t Samantha and Darrin. Samantha’s supercilious mother Endora, her father and associated magical family members provide most of the plot points; her nosy neighbor epitomizes sitcom nosiness today; and the subtext of magical people being of a different race and how that was handled in the 60’s as an allegory is interesting to watch from a historical perspective. While not as forward thinking as, say, Star Trek, Bewitched did at least try to address the issues of the time.

Why She’s a "Badass Wicca": Samantha Stephens is the original TV witch, and really introduced the idea that witches could be functioning members of society as well as supernatural beings. Furthermore, the show Bewitched is known for two things: the replacement of major characters and Samantha’s anatomically impossible nose twitching. Of all the things that pop culture witches are known for, the twitching nose is the most adorable and iconic.

(One thing I never really understood about Samantha was why she would stay with such a bad husband as Darrin. He was unappreciative and rude, and she stifled her own greatness so he could reach mediocrity as an advertising executive. I suppose had Betty Friedan written The Feminine Mystique a bit earlier, Samantha might have been a little different. While her meekness does make her a little less badass, she is still really the power that makes everyone’s lives run smoothly in her corner of TV Land.)

Where You Can Find Her: Played by Elizabeth Montgomery in reruns of Bewitched, which originally aired from 1964 – 1972. The series is also available on DVD. She is referenced in the abysmal Nicole Kidman/Will Ferrell Bewitched movie of 2005.

The Quote:

SAMANTHA:	Now when it comes to Santa Claus, most mortals don't believe he exists... just like they don't believe in witches.
	-- Bewitched, “Santa Comes to Visit and Stays” (06.14)

6. Morgan Le Fay
Arthurian Legend, A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court, The Mists of Avalon, Stargate SG-1, Merlin, Oh My Goddess, Marvel Comics, DC Comics, Excalibur, Prince Valiant, Power Rangers S. P. D...

Morgan Le Fay has already been covered in a previous issue of Geek Speak, but no list of witches would be complete without her. While she does indeed have a thousand different incarnations, the story that is most commonly attributed to her is that she is Arthur’s half sister and ends up having his child. The daughter of Igraine and Gorlois, Arthur’s father Uther Pendragon kills Morgan’s father in order to marry her mother. Morgan is then either sent away or becomes his ward. She studies magic under Merlin and becomes a powerful witch and then for whatever reason (each story has a different one), Morgan becomes an enemy of the Knights of the Round Table and Camelot. Though various plans fail against the knights, eventually she is successful. Through her influence on Mordred (who is sometimes her son and sometimes her nephew), he comes to hate Arthur and eventually kills him, destroying Camelot. Morgan’s story, which dates back to ancient Welsh mythology, is incredibly fluid. Although almost always tied to Merlin and Arthur, anything else about her is entirely malleable. In fact, it is difficult to even give her basic synopsis for that reason; she is so ancient that there is nothing basic about her.

Why She’s a "Badass Wicca": Of all the witches in literature, television, or film, Morgan and all of her incarnations are my favorite. I am clearly not alone in this, as you see her time and time again in forms that are good and wicked, sympathetic and antagonistic. That she has been featured in two of our Top 13s shows some of her sway over the collective imagination, and I’m sure this feature will not be her last. Like the face of the goddess she represents, she has many different variations: heroine, villain, witch, enchantress, and even the Queen of Fairies. She brings about the downfall of England’s most time-honored legend and ushers him into a place from where mythology states he will rescue England once again.

Where You Can Find Her: Where can’t you find her? She is involved in every Arthurian tale from Geoffrey of Monmouth's Vita Merlini and Chrétien de Troyes’ Erec and Enide in the 1100s, the Lancelot-Grail (Vulgate Cycle) and Mallory’s Le Morte D’Arthur, to more contemporary works like Marion Zimmer Bradley’s Mists of Avalon and Stephen Lawhead’s The Pendragon Cycle. She also appears in comics like The Demon, The Avengers, and Iron Man.

MORGAINE:	No one knows the real story of the great King Arthur of Camelot. Most of what you think you know about Camelot... Guinevere and Lancelot... and the evil sorceress known as Morgaine Le Fey... is nothing but lies. I should know, for I am Morgaine Le Fey, priestess of the Isle of Avalon, where the ancient religion of the Mother Goddess was born.
	-- The Mists of Avalon (TV mini-series, 2001)