Gentle reader, you have surely seen them around your local bookstore, although mayhap you have greeted their appearance with alarm. Zombies in demure white frocks gazing coyly from the covers of thick tomes. Corseted lasses fending off the unwanted advances of many-tentacled octopoid beasties. Vampires striding purposefully across the Yorkshire moors…

Yes, literary monster mash-ups -- wherein a (usually) well-known literary work is repurposed to incorporate vampires, zombies, sea monsters, or other mythical creatures – are quite the sensation these days. Some say that these books represent a most foul desecration of Literature and profane the sacred memory of the original authors; others roll their eyes and sniff that the mash-up movement is a tedious, if campy and fitfully amusing, flash in the pan; still others assert that classic works of literature and mythical monsters are two great tastes that taste great together. One thing that all can agree upon, however, is that these days they’re everywhere. So we here at Geek Speak asked ourselves: What?! Whither? And…Why?

Lizzy and Zombie Darcy share a tender moment.

In the beginning -- which is to say, a year and a half ago -- the first and still best known mash-up, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, burst upon the literary world. Speculation about its origins has run rampant in our halls, with competing versions of its genesis making the rounds. The stories go something like this:

Kate: One day, a man named Seth Grahame-Smith was forced at gunpoint by his significant other to watch Pride and Prejudice. When it was over, he was asked what he thought, and he snarled “The only thing that could POSSIBLY have REEDEEMED that shit is if the tall guy got EATEN BY A ZOMBIE at the end. Hey…”

Rachel: I actually feel like this phenomenon was birthed out of Bizarro fiction, and is perhaps even a direct heir of Carlton Mellick III's 2007 book Adolf in Wonderland. Books like Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter, Shatnerquake, and Paul is Undead uphold this tradition -- as do comic books Pinocchio, Vampire Slayer and Fables, among many others.

"X-Nuts" © Ryan Dunlavy

Wikipedia, however, tells us (and it’s never wrong) that the reality was much more prosaic. It is, of course, a truth universally acknowledged that an editor in possession of a really gonzo idea must be in want of a writer with a wicked wit to bring his (or her) idea to fruition, and that’s pretty much what happened here. For some reason, which History does not bother to record for Posterity, Grahame-Smith’s editor at Quirk Books decided one day to compare a list of favorite fanboy tropes (zombies, vampires, ninjas, etc.) with a list of books in the public domain. Unsurprisingly, he identified little overlap between the two lists. He said to Grahame-Smith “This is not to be borne!” (or something along those lines). And just like that, a phenomenon was born.

Hey! Where's the love for Frank?

PP&Z quickly became a breakout hit -- it soared as high as #3 on the New York Times bestseller list in its first week of release, and in the United Kingdom it went into a second printing before it was even officially published. In short order, Chaucer, Shakespeare, the Brontës, Tolstoy, and many others received the mash-up treatment -- perhaps as part of a spontaneous mash-up movement inspired by the Bizarros, and perhaps because publishers everywhere immediately realized that Seth Grahame-Smith and his editor were wiping themselves with hundred-dollar bills as a direct result of PP&Z and that this was a trend they could throw a saddle on and ride all the way to the bank, with no worries at all about pesky copyright issues, as Austen, Tolstoy et al. are no longer around to collect royalties. In any event, imitators abounded… and the trend continues today.

Whence all the love? A few theories:

"Pride and Prejudice and Monster Trucks" © Kate Beaton

Herewith, then -- in order of publication -- a compendium of mash-ups, retellings, and general literary lunacy. Next time you want to curl up with a good book, try one of these. We dare you.

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1. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
SUBTITLE: The Classic Regency Romance - Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem!
BY: Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith
PUBLISHER: Quirk Books
RELEASE DATE: April 1, 2009
ORIGINAL RELEASE DATE: Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen, 1813)

"My sisters and I cannot spend any substantial time searching for Wickham, as we are each commanded by His Majesty to defend Hertfordshire from all enemies until such time as we are dead, rendered lame, or married."

Synopsis: Miss Elizabeth Bennet and her four sisters are trained warriors who fight the legions of the undead (the “Dreadfuls”, or “unmentionables” -- one doesn’t use the “Z” word) in between attending country dances, being wooed by various eligible bachelors -- plus, Wickham -- and generally scandalizing the local gentry.

Why it Works: For Mr. Darcy to meet Elizabeth for the first time and hold her to be tolerable enough but secretly admire her mad skill with a katana is both satisfying and surreal. Pliant Jane, flighty Lydia and Kitty, and even pious Mary wielding weapons of war with gay abandon is also a study in compelling contrast. The idea of such a measured and restricted society as that of genteel 19th century England being forced to deal with the unpleasantness of animated rotting corpses is just very, very amusing. And the pleasingly just punishment exacted upon the irksome Mr. Collins must surely gladden Austenite hearts the world over.

Why it Doesn’t: One doesn’t really understand how the respected Lady Catherine de Bourg can be accounted a heroine of the Dreadful resistance and yet the Bennett girls’ Resident Evil-esque anti-zombie crusade is considered bad form. Also, Grahame-Smith is no Jane Austen: his prose is at times incredibly prosaic, more than occasionally crude, and some of the alterations made to both characters and dialogue are quite facile. For example, Lizzy in a zombie-infested world? Kind of a psycho.

Conclusion: The instigator of all of this literary monster mash-up craziness, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies was an instant classic, the kind of book that made you wonder why no one had ever thought of it before, and yet be astounded that anyone had thought of it at all. The perfect blend of outrageousness, parody, reverence and homage, it quite rightly took the literary world by storm by not taking it -- or itself -- too seriously. Because it’s Pride and Prejudice, and there are zombies in it! Simply, awe-inspiringly brilliant.

Grade: A+

RELATED WORKS:
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: Deluxe Edition, October 21, 2009
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: 30 Postcards, (Chronicle Books), March 3, 2010
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Graphic Novel, May 4, 2010
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: Dawn of the Dreadfuls by Steve Hockensmith, March 23, 2010
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: Dreadfully Ever After by Steve Hockensmith, March 22, 2011
T-shirts and Merchandise at zazzle.com

2. The War of the Worlds, Plus Blood, Guts, and Zombies
BY: H.G. Wells and Eric S. Brown
PUBLISHER: Coscom Entertainment
RELEASE DATE: April 30, 2009; re-release December 14, 2010. Mark your calendar now!
ORIGINAL RELEASE DATE: The War of the Worlds (H.G. Wells, 1898)

I was a little depressed at first with the contagion of my wife’s fears, but very soon my thoughts reverted to the Martians and the dead.

Synopsis: Invaders from Mars are destroying humanity from above, while the undead rise from their graves to decimate it from below.

Why it Works: Well, there’s never a dull moment in this one, that’s for sure.

Why it Doesn’t: Alien invaders and zombies is just overkill.

Conclusion: For all that it comes from the much-revered father of modern science fiction, and for all that the ideas herein were beyond revolutionary in their time, this seminal Wells work is hard going at the best of times. Throw in zombies brought about by an alien invasion -- which is a little too Plan 9 from Outerspace for comfort -- with no alteration to the density of the prose and it’s a grueling but remarkable acheivement..

Grade: B-

RELATED WORKS: In 1938, an Orson Welles radio adaptation of War of the Worlds (minus blood, guts, or zombies) incited widespread panic among listeners. You can listen to it here.

3. Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and Zombie Jim
SUBTITLE: Mark Twain’s Classic with Crazy Zombie Goodness
BY: Mark Twain and W. Bill Czolgosz
PUBLISHER: Coscom Entertainment
RELEASE DATE: July 10, 2009
ORIGINAL RELEASE DATE: Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (Mark Twain, 1884)

The judge he felt kind of sore. He said he reckoned a body could reform the old man with a shotgun, maybe, but he didn’t know no other way. He’d said it’d be easier to reform a blood-hungry, wild-eyed bagger than it would be to reform pap. That’d be the truest words I ever heard.

Synopsis: In the 19th Century American Midwest, a new strain of tuberculosis has created a new underclass -- zombies, known as “the Baggers.” The Baggers’ appearance on the scene has had the salutary effect of ending the American slave trade, the n-word is never uttered in polite society, and the black man walks free among the white. Young Huck Finn’s best friend is Bagger Jim, who stands by him even when Huck’s abusive father is turned. But then the mutant strain of tuberculosis mutates again, and the previously docile Baggers turn vicious. Huck and Jim flee down the mighty Mississippi -- can they escape certain doom?

Why it Works: The notion of zombies as slaves in a “post-racial” nineteenth-century America is dizzyingly surreal, and messing with what many consider to be the Great American Novel cheekily demonstrates (as if such demonstration were needed) that nothing is sacred.

Why it Doesn’t: Without its subtext (hell, its text, even), Huck Finn and Zombie Jim becomes just another zombie romp.

Conclusion: The “naked cash grab” phase of the mash-up phenomenon was achieved early on: Zombies and Twain are not a natural fit (cf Wuthering Heights), nor are they so far apart that the juxtaposition itself is funny (cf anything by Austen ever). And eliminating the book’s serious themes around race may be cute for a while, but it undercuts much of its contemporary real-world power. Some books just don’t need to include zombies to be interesting.

Grade: C-

4. Mr. Darcy, Vampyre
BY: Amanda Grange
PUBLISHER: Sourcebooks Landmark
RELEASE DATE: August 11, 2009
ORIGINAL RELEASE DATE: Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen, 1813)

Darcy smiled, his eyes bright in the torchlight. “But I am a vampyre,” he said.

Synopsis: Mr. and Mrs. Darcy leave English shores for a honeymoon through Europe. Bizarrely, their marriage remains unconsummated in the months that follow and Darcy’s behavior is both odd and hurtful to his new bride. Eventually -- very, very eventually -- she discovers why. He’s a vampyre!

Why it Works: Ah, so Darcy was always so cold and forbidding and determined to keep everyone at a distance because he’s a vampyre! Makes total sense now. And Grange’s vampire mythology is actually pretty clever, to wit: ‘A cross could not hurt him,’ said Lady Catherine contemptuously. ‘A vampyre can only be hurt by something older than itself, and the Ancient was old when Christ was young.’ Nice one.

Why it Doesn’t: Mr. Darcy’s shocking revelation (that’s he’s a vampyre) more than three quarters of the way through the book would be more shocking and revelatory if it wasn’t, y’know, in the title. The book dwells lovingly on the aftermath of Pride and Prejudice, the wedding and the reception and the impromptu Grand Tour, including visits to sundry of Darcy’s shady acquaintance with very, very bad French accents and confrontations with overblown villains -- and, yeah, Lady Catherine. Throughout it all, Lizzy’s tiresomely suspicious but silent for 250 damn pages until suddenly, hey, vampyre husband! Which she’s weirdly cool with. The biggest sin of this book, however, is that the style in which it is told could not be further from Austenian, for all that it is supposed to be a direct sequel to her most celebrated work. This is definitely a subtext and irony-free zone.

Conclusion: For any fan of the plentiful “what happened next” Pride and Prejudice sequels who might also have an inclination toward to paranormal romance side of the bookshelf, this may appeal; it’s essentially so-so Austen fanfic with a vampire twist.

Grade: C+

5. Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters
SUBTITLE: None
BY: Jane Austen and Ben H. Winters
PUBLISHER: Quirk Books
RELEASE DATE: September 15, 2009
ORIGINAL RELEASE DATE: Sense and Sensibility (Jane Austen, 1811), with particular thanks owed to 20 000 Leagues Under the Sea (Jules Verne, 1869)

“Infirmity!” said Elinor, “do you call Colonel Brandon infirm? Deformed, maybe; repulsive certainly. More fish than man, face-wise, it cannot be argued. But infirm?”

Synopsis: In an England surrounded by water teeming with malevolent creatures of the deep -- products of The Alteration, a phenomenon of unknown origins -- the death of Mr. Dashwood leaves his wife and their daughters, Elinor, Marianne and the less-important Margaret, without a home to call their own. Happily, they are offered sinecure in a shanty house on Pestilent Isle by Sir John Middleton, where the ladies make the acquaintance of various gentlemen and, after a series of misadventures and mysteries, both sensible Elinor and sensibility-ridden Marrianne find happiness with two of them.

Why it Works: Death lobsters! Sub-marines! A secret government research laboratory at the bottom of the ocean! This book is sheer and utter chaos. Winters’ prose nicely meshes with that of Austen -- most of the time -- and his tale takes some very odd and unexpected turns that both surprise and amuse.

Why it Doesn’t: After the first few chapters, the sea monster motif palls rapidly, and it gets to the point where one wonders how anyone in England has survived the monsters’ tyranny. Lady Middleton’s status as a captured African slave is confusing and unnecessary and the fates befalling supreme bitch Lucy Steele and the dastardly Willhoughby (who, here, is a sea monster slayer) are not nearly severe enough. Also, Colonel Brandon has tentacles instead of sidewhiskers. That’s just freaky.

Conclusion: A stark departure from Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, this one brings in far more original material and changes details of the original considerably. Austen die-hards will either love it or hate it; it gives a melodramatic and nonsensical twist to the celebrated Austen subtlety that will either delight or dismay.

Grade: B

RELATED WORKS: 20 000 Leagues Under the Sea at Project Gutenberg.

6. The Undead World of Oz
SUBTITLE: L. Frank Baum’s The Wonderful Wizard of Oz Complete with Zombies and Monsters
BY: L. Frank Baum and Ryan C. Thomas
PUBLISHER: Coscom Entertainment
RELEASE DATE: September 21, 2009
ORIGINAL RELEASE DATE: The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (L. Frank Baum, illustrated by W. W. Denslow, 1900)

“There is only one thing in the world I am afraid of.” “What is that?” asked Dorothy, “a brain-eater?” “No,” answered the Scarecrow; “a brain-eater with a lighted match.”

Synopsis: We pretty much know what this one is about, don’t we? A tornado carries lonely Dorothy Gale (and her little dog, too) from her dreary home on the Kansas prairie to the Land of Oz, where the Wicked Witch of the West has been hard at work raising the dead. Antics ensue.

Why it Works: If your only exposure to Oz is in glorious Technicolor with music, forget what you think you know. This book is seriously weird all by itself, certainly weirder than anything you ever saw on screen. The addition of zombies is almost superfluous. In fact, you probably won’t even notice they’re there.

Why it Doesn’t: See above. This book was already crazy enough without zombies. The undead should not get lost in the shuffle. The undead demand respect!

Conclusion: It is rumored that a new movie featuring Johnny Depp as the young Oz is in production. Would it be too much to ask that they work in one little monster?

Grade: C

RELATED WORKS: Accept no substitutes: Read the cracked-out original at Project Gutenberg.

7. I Am Scrooge
SUBTITLE: A Zombie Story for Christmas
BY: Adam Roberts
PUBLISHER: Gollancz
RELEASE DATE: October 1, 2009
ORIGINAL RELEASE DATE: A Christmas Carol (Charles Dickens, 1843), with particular thanks owed to I Am Legend (Richard Matheson, 1954)

Marley was dead to begin with. Dead for about three minutes, that is: then he got up again.

Synopsis: God bless us, every one! It’s Christmas Eve, and legendary miser Scrooge sits alone, counting his zillions and hiding from the teeming zombie hordes that populate the streets of London. Little does he know that the fate of the whole world depends on whether or not the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future can persuade him to step into the iTards, travel back in time, and destroy the brainstem of Patient Zero, whose identity may surprise you, or maybe not.

Why it Works: I Am Scrooge may look like it’s about Christmas, but really it’s all about being very violent and very, very silly. The reader is treated to vividly depicted gore and lively digressions (in what sense can a tale be said to “hang”?) in equal measure. Frequent pop-cultural allusions keep things lively, as do cameos from the likes of Queen Victoria, Jack the Ripper, and Dickens himself. Also, Patient Zero? We’ve always known he was secretly evil.

Why it Doesn’t: Bah, humbug! As the opening scene makes clear, Roberts likes his gore on the gratuitous side, which sits uneasily with this otherwise charming tale. And Patient Zero’s identity will appall as many readers as it delights.

Conclusion: Our dream -- Patrick Stewart performing a dramatic reading of this text for BBC Radio. Barring that, this is the perfect Christmas gift for the zombie-loving English major on your list.

Grade: B+

8. Vampire Darcy's Desire
SUBTITLE: A Pride and Prejudice Adaptation
BY: Regina Jeffers
PUBLISHER: Ulysses Press
RELEASE DATE: October 1, 2009
ORIGINAL RELEASE DATE: Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen, 1813)

He let his eyes fall on the second daughter. Although not as arrestingly beautiful as the eldest, Miss Elizabeth was alluring nonetheless—petite, small waist, dark hair with auburn highlights, almond shaped eyes—a dark green, nearly black—full red lips and a slim aristocratic nose. She simmered sensuality, and whether he liked it or not, his body reacted to her appearance.

Synopsis: Miss Elizabeth Bennet meets Mr. Darcy and the two are immediately attracted to one another; they swiftly marry. She had also been drawn to the dashing Mr. Wickham, but the two gentlemen are enemies… ancient enemies! Elizabeth must then help Darcy break the curse that holds his family in its evil sway (so that she can have sex with him) and save her silly sister from certain sacrifice at the hands of an unlikely supervillain.

Why it Works: Seeing the story from Darcy’s perspective is quite refreshing, and it’s not terrible seeing an alternate version of Pride and Prejudice in which Darcy and Elizabeth fall in lust at first sight…

Why it Doesn’t: … no, wait, yes it is! It’s terrible! No pride, no prejudice, just fulsome mutual admiration and the two of them almost doing it every dozen pages or so. The title of this novel is also a complete fallacy, as Darcy isn’t even a vampire here, he is a dhampir… albeit a version of this legendary half-human/half-vampire creature that can choose to be a vampire if he so, er, desires. Stilted dialogue and appalling copy editing will get even the most forgiving reader riled up; pinning the whole tale on a Scottish ballad is tiresome; and the forced love triangle with Colonel Fitzwilliam at the end? Just dumb. When Wickham is the most believable and sympathetic character in your P&P adaptation, you know something is very, very wrong.

Conclusion: If you go into the novel expecting Darcy-and-Elizabeth raunchy vampire sex, you’ll be disappointed. The title promises all kinds of things it doesn’t deliver, which is either a good or a bad thing, depending on how salacious you like your paranormal romance. (And how vampire-y you like your Darcy.) However, there’s no Lady Catherine in here at all. So, there’s that.

Grade: D-