He-Man and the Masters of the Universe is the Mattel inspired half-hour fantasy-action cartoon that ran 130 episodes over two seasons from September, 1983 - December, 1985. In 1987, director Gary Goddard and Golan-Globus productions gave us Dolph Lundgren as He-Man in an unambitious Flash Gordon-esque live-action fantasy action flick.

But before the movie, we had the cartoon. And before the cartoon, we had the toy.

The He-Man franchise was one of the first TV cartoons designed almost exclusively with the toy market in mind. As a result, we can’t really talk He-Man without talking action figures. And Mattell made some good ones. They were thick and heavy with ripped abs and enormous pectoral muscles. It was like holding Arnold Schwarzenegger in the palm of your hand. And, for a boy in the 1980s, holding Arnie was only one step removed from being Arnie.

Every boy wanted to be He-Man. We all wanted to ride around on Battle Cat and bring down Skeletor. We didn’t know what we wanted to do with Teela, but we had a suspicion it might be fun.

Supposedly based on Conan the Barbarian, He-Man had great action but without the subtlety or depth that John Milius brought to the Conan of the big screen. He-man was all about good guys and bad guys, thematic shortcuts, and moral absolutes. Hold up the sword, and you become master of the entire universe! This was one hundred percent pure fantasy without even a nod to anything remotely real.

He-Man’s universe was populated by generic heroes and villains with handy names like “Beast-Man,” “Man-at-Arms,” “Evil Lyn,” “the Sorceress,” “Clawful,” and “Two-Bad.” There were basically two body types – the thin-waisted, big-boobed female characters and the muscle-bound men with the six-packs. Plots usually centered on He-Man and Skeletor duking it out over control of the universe. Orco, the whiney-voiced floating elf thing, and the outfit of He-Man’s cover identity, Prince Adam (pink shirt, purple ugg boots, and lavender tights) provided comic relief.

With his indestructible sword (which the networks wouldn’t allow him to use much in the cartoon) and apparently limitless physical strength, He-Man embodied what at the time was the masculine ideal: caring, sensitive, and shy as Prince Adam, and a bare-chested, butt-kicking mesomorph as He-Man. We were even able to overlook the fact that his alter ego, Prince Adam, had the exact same impossibly enormous physique but was inexplicably wimpy. (A duality paralleled in Cringer, He-Man’s giant green tiger who transformed into Battle Cat whenever Prince Adam became He-Man.)

He-Man was a watered-down Conan for kids. He battled the mysterious forces of evil on the exact kind of show a kid would make, which made it the exact kind of show a kid could recreate after a lot of begging and the inevitable trip to Toys R Us.

To offset the tame-by-today’s-standards violence, each episode ended with a moral life lesson -- things like “don’t do drugs,” “friends are good,” and “crossing guards are the real heroes” -- delivered in After-School Special style by one of the show’s characters.

For us guys, He-Man was an antidote to The Smurfs and an alternate to G.I. Joe. He may not be what we aspire to in the present, but he is what we remember wanting to be in the past.

DVD REPORT:

The original He-Man cartoons -- along with those of He-Man’s separated-at-birth, equally heroic twin sister, She-Ra -- are available on DVD, though a little hard to get; the somewhat unnecessary 2002 remake is readily available. Released this October on DVD is the He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special… holiday fun for the whole family!
 

  -- Malcolm Matthews
            www.malcolmmatthews.ca