Midway through the extended climax of Piranha 3D, there’s a scene when comedic character actor Adam Scott (of the hilarious and sadly canceled Party Down) grabs a shotgun, leaps on a jet ski and rides to the rescue of several nubile spring breakers while simultaneously blasting carnivorous fish out of the water. Though the idea borders on the ridiculous, it nonetheless works. Scott sells it so well that the audience erupted in a jubilant cheer.

There’s a lot to cheer for in director Alexandre Aja’s gleefully classless redo of director Joe Dante’s seminal Jaws ripoff. The first person we see onscreen is none other than Richard Dreyfuss, hysterically sending up his role of Matt Hooper in the aforementioned Spielberg shark classic. Midway through the film, we get an extended cameo by Christopher Lloyd, in full Doc Brown mode, as an aquatic life expert that delivers breathless, astounded exposition as only Lloyd can. If only he’d managed to add a “Great Scott,” it would have pulled the film even further over into pure orgasmic exploitation. But as it stands, it’s still pretty damned marvelous. Oh, and have I mentioned yet that the film is filled to the rim with gratuitous nudity and the most fake blood (80,000 gallons) ever used in a feature production? Yeah, there’s that, too.

Piranha 3D, which is titled onscreen as merely Piranha (signaling that the filmmakers themselves know full well that the latest 3D fad will eventually end) is precisely what a summer film about man-eating prehistoric killer fish should be. It doesn’t simply embrace its nature as an exploitative nature run amok film… no, it makes sweet love to that nature, then comes back for seconds.

The plot is standard. At Spring Break hot spot Lake Victoria (a cinematic stand-in for Lake Havasu), a seismic disturbance opens a fissure that reveals a heretofore sealed off underwater lake beneath the existing lake. What dwells in this deadly sanctuary? If you didn’t say “tons of vicious, carnivorous fish,” then you clearly haven’t been paying attention to the movie’s title.

Tough-girl sheriff Julie Forrester (the ever-beautiful Elisabeth Shue) along with the intrepid Deputy Fallon (the ever-imposing Ving Rhames) follow a trail of individual attacks unlike anything they’ve ever encountered. They quickly call in a team of seismologists, led by Adam Scott, and discover that thousands of the titular beasties are swarming right toward hundreds of vapid, drunk spring breakers that regularly turn the lake into a debaucherous party zone.

In the side-story department, Forrester’s son Jake (Steven R. McQueen, grandson of the coolest actor who ever lived) has been pining for fellow classmate Kelly (Gossip Girl’s Jessica Szohr) but she’s been hanging with a couple of local jock douchebags. A flummoxed Jake soon meets the hottest girl he’s ever seen (lingerie model Kelly Brook). It turns out that she’s one of the stars of Wild Girls, a series of racy videos created by sleazebag entrepreneur Derrick Jones (My Secret Identity’s -- and Sliders’ -- Jerry O’Connell). Derrick conscripts Jake to escort them to the best places on the lake to, well, to film nubile, naked girls drunkenly cavorting. Kelly, feeling pangs of jealousy over the fact that the boy who’s been crushing on her for years is now spending time with pinup girls, tags along.

Let me just take a moment here to address Jerry O’Connell. While the rest of the cast ably fills out their thin roles, it’s O’Connell that truly shines. His character is an obvious take on Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild fame, and O’Connell leaps into the role so exuberantly that it may very well mark his career high point. He’s a blast to watch, and I wouldn’t be surprised at all if his career trajectory finds him reinvented as a lovable douche.

Equally notable is the fact that this may very well be the single goriest film to ever garner an R-rating. At a brisk 82 minutes, Aja’s film culminates in half-hour climax that unveils a level of pure carnage never seen before in a Hollywood feature. Hundreds of people are disgustingly devoured as the feisty fish descend on the drunken revelry. Bodies are chewed in half, limbs are eaten down to the bone, intestines are spilled, a girl has her hair caught in a boat propeller resulting in her scalp and face being ripped off… and there’s even a close-up of a severed penis. Let me repeat that… there’s a close-up of a severed penis. That alone should tell you whether or not you want to see this film.

Visually, the film is a cinematographic treat. Aja can certainly shoot a slick movie, and D.P. John Leonetti does some of the best lensing of his career. Piranha 3D takes full advantage of its lake setting, both above and below the surface. The underwater cinematography rivals that of Jack Arnold’s Creature from the Black Lagoon. It may be matinee trash, but it’s well-made, nicely-shot matinee trash.

On the downside, it definitely seems to have been edited down to the bare essentials (and, surprise, a significantly longer director’s cut has already been promised on Blu-ray) and the post-production 3D, while being the best seen thus far (way better than the godawful, unwatchable job done on this Spring’s Clash of the Titans) still offers proof that films actually shot in the format look superior.

Regardless, Piranha 3D is easily the most fun summer movie to come along in 2010. It’s never pretentious, never dull; it knows how to have fun with its comic tone (the key is having actors who play it seriously but never stonefaced). It’s ultra-gory while still maintaining a light airiness. And it’s also the only film to ever feature an underwater lesbian ballet set to the classical “Flower Duet” theme.

If that doesn’t make you want to rush out and see it, there’s no hope for you.

  -- David Rosiak

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Films rarely deliver on the promises of their trailers. Even their synopses can indicate a promise of something the final film has a problem making truly happen. Some movies come close, others fail miserably, and others deliver a different experience entirely. Piranha 3D is the rare film the delivers exactly what the trailers, synopses and every ounce of marketing promises: buckets of blood, campy humor and boobs -- lots and lots of boobs.

The plot, or what little semblance of one there is, revolves around the small town of Lake Victoria, which explodes with activity every Spring Break. An earthquake tremor shatters the lake’s floor, and lets loose hundreds of prehistoric piranha. And as the trailer suggests, not even local Sheriff Julie Forester (Elisabeth Shue) can stop the mayhem in store for the unlucky college students and residents who venture into the water.

Despite this threadbare premise, Piranha 3D survives on an alternating scale of maniacal destruction and sheer glee. It is clear from the opening moments of the film that Alexandre Aja is having loads of fun creating this throwback monster movie. And in a year where just about everything seems like a nostalgic reference to films from other decades (specifically the 1980s), Piranha 3D fits right in. It makes no argument about the type of film it is at any point. It knows it is not going to be the next Schindler’s List, and it knows it has no chance of even remotely being a “good movie”. What it strives for, especially if you are the right audience for it, is to be the funnest film of the summer. After all, this is a movie that makes a joke about a severed CGI penis.

The film is fun for the sheer fact that Aja does not seem to care about the line between good and bad taste. The aforementioned severed penis aside, there are quite literally hundreds of people who are murdered by these prehistoric killers by the time the film reaches its credits. And Aja just seems to revel in the destruction he creates at every turn. I lost count of how many people perished in one grisly attack near the beach that makes Jaws look about as menacing as Bambi. And somehow, the attacks even vary at how successful they are, and just what gets attacked. Various body parts are ripped out and eaten in detail, and many people end up more mangled than the trailers suggest. Aja has a go-for-broke style that we rarely get a chance to see in modern horror, and pushes the limits of what he can show at any given moment. I have heard there were cuts made to the film, but as it is, I cannot even fathom what could have possibly been chopped out in comparison to what they left in.

But the buckets of blood are only the beginning. This is also a film that revels in having bare breasts appear almost every five minutes. Hell, there is an entire five minute underwater ballet-like scene that borders on soft porn. But again, it does not seem like Aja cares. He just wants to see how much he can possibly get away with, full frontal nudity and all. It almost feels exploitative at times with just how much these female actresses show off, specifically Kelly Brook and Riley Steele (who is just one of a handful of porn stars who appear in the film). Aja knows his audience, knows his genre, and knows the films that inspired it. It almost comes off like he wanted to ensure he had enough bare breasts so he felt he did not do a disservice to all of those expecting gratuitous amounts of nudity.

The film’s ultimate success comes from its humor, though. With just how ridiculous the film quickly becomes, it never loses sight of its tone and lack of seriousness. It may get extraordinarily gruesome, but it is never serious or horrific enough that you will have trouble laughing at what is going on. The campy one-liners are all very effective, as is the film’s nostalgic sensibilities. Even better are the cast members who provide them: Christopher Lloyd as an aquarium owner two steps short of Doc Brown; Jerry O’Connell as a coked out porn producer; Ving Rhames as a bad ass deputy; Eli Roth as the host of a wet t-shirt contest. Everyone brings their A-game, and maintain their deadpan humor throughout. They all look to be having just as much of a blast as Aja is.

But there are issues with the film. For one, some of the special effects are lacking. The explicit shots showing the piranha destroying their victims all look awful, as do the piranhas themselves (3D effects do nothing but make them look even worse). The makeup effects are working at full throttle in every single case, but the effects of how these people are being ripped limb from limb seems to have not been too much of a concern for anyone. I realize the campy style of the film, but its style does not excuse its shoddy effects. The character development is also a little stilted, much like the performance of main star Steven R. McQueen. Had Aja sacrificed the thirty to forty minutes of “development” and just added more mayhem, this would not be nearly as much of an issue. But looking at the movie and its style, I doubt Aja was going for perfection here.

If you are among the audience who enjoys buckets of blood and gratuitous amounts of nudity, Piranha 3D delivers on all counts. The film exists solely to be cheerfully destructive, and as long as you realize that going in, you will not be disappointed.

  -- David Baldwin

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