This month brings you, faithful readers, a review of You Suck (a love story), the second book of a vampire-related trilogy brought you by Christopher Moore, the mind behind such epic amusement as Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal, and A Dirty Job, the story of a guy who runs a second-hand store who discovers that he is, in fact, Death. "Errr...wait!" I can hear you asking, "why are you reviewing the second book of the trilogy? Why not review the first book? Or the latest book, seeing as it came out a few months ago? And, while we're at it, if this is vampire-related, why didn't you include this during the incredibly awesome Vampire Issue of this here very fine magazine two months ago?" Those are excellent questions, and I am glad you asked them, as the sheer absurdity inherent here puts you in the proper mindset to read and enjoy You Suck.

The story follows the intertwining plotlines of recently-turned-vampire Jody and her even-more-recently-turned newfound minion boyfriend, Tommy Flood, their new potential minion, the goth vampire-wannabe teenager Abby Normal, Tommy's old crew of late-night workers at Safeway (known as the Animals) who previously helped bring down Jody's sire, the old vampire Elijah and have currently hooked up with the blue-skinned hooker from Vegas, Blue, and we can't forget Elijah himself, who at the beginning of the book finds himself irritatingly turned into a bronze statue. If you are wondering if this is overly complex for one who hasn't read the first book (as I hadn't), fear not. For one, Moore does an excellent job in referring back to events of the first book, thus both (re)introducing the characters and catching readers up on what has happened thus far. And for two, the plot is rather secondary as it is just a device for Moore to showcase his sense of humor, and therefore it doesn't really matter if you've read the first book or not.

This book is amusing. Highly amusing. I found myself smirking throughout the entire reading. Most pages will have at least one potentially quotable line or phrase: the fact that Moore can keep up that quality of humor throughout the entire story is rather impressive. Much of the humor comes from the dialogue, where most characters just seem to have slightly different priorities than one would expect, where absurd situations are taken much more in stride, or where characters mix in discussions of completely different subjects in the same breath. For example, we get passages from Abby Normal’s diary, full of grand goth diatribes contrasted with random comments about her sister’s need for lice medication, or where the Animals don’t seem to be too bothered by the fact that their friend Tommy is now a vampire or the fact that they recently blew through thousands of dollars in Vegas because the only important question is “Haven’t you ever wanted to bone a smurf?!”

It’s kind of hard to do the humor justice in a review such as this one, but it is assuredly pervasive throughout the book. That said, though, it must also be noted that it makes the book a one-trick pony (though you might always expect such a pony to randomly show up in the story…you never know!). As mentioned, the story is secondary. There is a plot. It comes to a conclusion of some kind. Doesn’t really matter. This book is all about the journey, not the destination.

There isn’t much else to say, really. If you like Christopher Moore’s writing and his sense of humor, you’ll like this book. If you don’t, then there isn’t much reason to pick this one up. If you’ve never read any of his work, give it a try. This was the first book of his I ever read, and while I must admit that I wasn’t laughing out loud, I was subtly amused the entire time. And would happily read more.(Get it? His name is Moore! Hilarious!)(I’m sure no one has ever made that joke before!)
 
  -- K. Burtt