Look, I really dislike the Daredevil movie. (See?) I’m no fan of Elektra, or Hulk, and I’m not too hot on the first Fantastic Four or the second Spider-Man. Ghost Rider was just plain wrong, and X-Men: The Last Stand literally had me in tears. Honestly, I was so disappointed by the idiocy being enacted on the screen that I cried, right there in the theater. (The Matrix Revolutions had the same devastatingly embarrassing effect. You know you’re pitiful when the 10-year-old kid in the next seat hands you a tissue.)

So I am not about to take up the cudgels of defense against the many slings and arrows rightfully flung at the collective awfulness of more than one Marvel-based film. They don’t deserve it. I will even go further and suggest that X-Men Origins: Wolverine is among the worst offenders; it was bad enough when they foisted Ben Affleck onto us as my beloved DD, but presenting us with boy band reject Taylor Kitsch as my equally beloved Gambit was simply unpardonable. (Though, admittedly, Ryan Reynolds as my also beloved Deadpool couldn’t have been more perfect. And yes, that is almost the extent of my comic crushes: Hawkeye, John Constantine and Raphael round out the set.)

But, y’know what? It’s all too easy to bring down the hammer on Marvel movies. Fish, barrel; ducks, line. I mean, Blade: Trinity? Punisher: War Zone? Are they trying to punish us in some way over at Marvel Studios? Have we done them some massive wrong? Is this retribution for illegal downloads?

It’s equally easy to take aim at some of DC’s more ill-advised endeavors: Swamp Thing (and the Return thereof), Supergirl, Steel, Catwoman, the Joel Schumacher Batmans (Batmen?), Jonah Hex. It could be argued, and successfully I think, that per capita, Marvel and DC movies are equally as guilty of poor judgment -- and the cynical exploitation of their characters’ fans -- as each other.

So let’s contrast, instead, Marvel and DC’s respective successes, and see what we have then, shall we?

Let us first take a quick look at the history of comic book cinema. The early years amounted to film serials like 1941’s Captain America and the 1951 theatrically-released TV pilot Superman and the Mole Men, which led to the iconic series starring George Reeves. (Can you imagine a time when you had to go to the movie theater to watch a TV show?) 1966, of course, saw the release of the Adam West and “Bat-Shark Repellent”-starring Batman film, and the late ‘70’s brought several edited versions of the Spider-Man TV series to theaters.

But the modern comic book movie era really began in 1978, with Richard Donner’s Superman. It was an auspicious beginning for DC aficionados, with the film racking up 14 weeks at the top of the US box office and even being awarded a special statue at the Academy Awards. There followed, in 1981, Superman II, and there can be no doubt that Terrence Stamp’s General Zod is still one of the great movie bad guys of all time. Things didn’t really go too well for DC movies after that until 1989’s Tim Burton-blessed Batman, in which Michael Keaton gives a thoroughly engaging interpretation of poor little rich boy Bruce Wayne, and Jack Nicholson’s version of The Joker (I’m sorry, spirit of Heath Ledger, but it’s true) proves to be the definitive comic movie supervillain.

In the meantime, we Marvel-types were treated, in 1986, to the celebrated box office catastrophe that was Howard the Duck.

Personally, I happen to love the story of that little alien ducky tangling with Dark Overlords of the Universe and 80’s soft-rock girl bands. (Shut up!) But it must be conceded that Howard has become a by-word for filmic failure, and the sword-and-sorcery Schwarzenegger vehicle Red Sonja, which preceded it by a year and is based on the Marvel character of the same name, is likewise reviled and disdained (when it is remembered at all). And 1989, which brought such renown to DC and all its works with its Prince-soundtracked, Caped Crusader-y blockbuster, gave unto the dedicated Marvel fan… Dolph Lundgren in The Punisher.

Had this debate taken place in, say, 1990 (which it could well have; do you remember any such conversation, Will?), then I would clearly have been forced to retire from the lists with nary a shot fired in the struggle. My deep and abiding love of Howard the Duck notwithstanding, there is no way whatsoever I could have sustained an argument for its superiority over the Superman and burgeoning Batman franchises. But since this debate is taking place two full decades later, I can most assuredly make a very strong stand in this epic battle. Because things have improved a lot for we friends of Marvel, cinematically, and yet for the DC-inclined amongst you… not so much.

I have spent the better part of this past month or so -- in between rhapsodizing about Roger Zelazny and discovering the classics of cinema and reading books and visiting Eureka and loving Dinosaurs -- in watching, mostly re-watching, every comic book movie based on either a Marvel or DC comic ever made. (It’s a hard knock life, folks.) That’s twenty DC-based movies -- counting Watchmen and V for Vendetta -- and twenty-six for Marvel. I watched them all.

Taking a “best for last” approach, I started with DC, and at the logical place: Superman. I watched all four Christopher Reeve installments (Superman III might be my new favorite: Pamela Stephenson is a laugh riot, which I don't think I've ever fully appreciated before), and 1984’s Supergirl for the first time since I was about 12 -- wow, that Helen Slater sure is pretty. And even though I haven’t included it (nor the film serials, nor the ‘60’s Batman movie) in DC’s total, I came upon the George Reeves-starring Stamp Day for Superman, a 17-minute 1954 short film that is part propaganda, part infomercial (“The United States Treasury Department presents: The Adventures of Superman!”), and you simply must check it out.

In this bizarre outing, Superman foils a robbery in which a guilt-ridden first-time hoodlum laments: “I should have learned to save and handle money a long time ago, then this wouldn’t have happened!” Back at the Planet, Jimmy Olsen shows off his new typewriter (it’s the size of a first generation DVD player, but he gushes wonderingly: “I can almost carry it in my pocket!”), which it turns out he was able to afford because he bought Treasury Savings Stamps each week when at school. “That’s very interesting, Jimmy,” says Clark (is it?), and is inspired to write a feature article on “… how kids help themselves and Uncle Sam by buying bonds and stamps.” Lois, of course, soon gets kidnapped -- and remember, this thing is only 17 minutes long; Jeepers, Miss Lane! -- which leads to my favorite Lois line ever: “I obviously don’t have any brains, or I wouldn’t be here.” Yeah, no kidding. But Superman saves her and then flies to a local school and exhorts the kids to save themselves. “So, boys and girls, be super citizens and have a super future by saving regularly with United States Savings stamps at school.” It’s absolutely shameless… and yet still better than Superman Returns. (I’m sorry, Bryan Singer, but it’s true. George Reeves is no Christopher Reeve, Dean Cain or even Tom Welling, but he beats Brendan Routh by a Kryptonian mile. Hell, even Jimmy’s typewriter has more screen presence than that inscrutable automaton, and I was never so glad to have wrapped up a franchise marathon as when the final credits rolled on that 2005 nightmare. Also, Kate Bosworth? Really?)

And then I moved on to the Bat. From Keaton to Kilmer to Clooney to Christian Bale, I immersed myself in Gothic Gothamness, following up those six flicks (Batman Returns is definitely my favorite) with Halle Berry rocking the leather in 2004’s much-maligned Catwoman. (Bad, yes, but not nearly as bad as everyone says.) Wes Craven’s 1982 Swamp Thing, and it’s even more lackluster 1987 sequel, Return of the Swamp Thing, I had never seen, so they came next and I begrudge every second I spent in sourcing them on DVD and then sitting through their never-to-be-sufficiently-accursed unpleasantness. I watched last year’s Watchmen again, and was equally apathetic about it as the first time; I saw V for Vendetta again, and liked it better the second time around. (Natalie Portman is still woeful, though. And I had thought she couldn’t get any worse than as tragic, woebegone Padme.) Then I checked out Shaquille O’Neal in 1997’s Steel for the first time (was he cast in it ‘cause of the rhyme?), and laughed so much it seemed very possible I’d end up committed: “I never could make free throws.” Ha! Happily, I saw Jonah Hex when it was out in theaters a few months back (happily, for the purposes of this endeavor, not happily as in, “Yay, I spent money to watch Jonah Hex!” -- although Megan Fox and Josh Brolin were pretty good in it), and so was able to complete the DC cycle in its entirety -- it’s not out on DVD yet, and piracy is wrong, kids.

Want to know which DC movie I enjoyed watching the least? Well, stipulating to the Swamp Thing debacles, I’d have to say that honor belongs to the “biggest comic book movie of all time,” The Dark Knight.

Now, I will confess that part of this is that, much as I admire Maggie Gyllenhall in all her indie-darling glory, I missed Katie Holmes’s presence as crusading attorney Rachel. Still another part is a lingering sadness over the untimely demise of Heath Ledger (which made Terry Gilliam’s brilliant Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus likewise something of a trauma). But most of it, I think, is that The Dark Knight just isn’t all that enjoyable of a movie. Go ahead, watch it again. I dare you. Once you get past the hype and the unexpected humor and the wonder of the performances – from Bale and Ledger to Aaron Eckhart and Cillian Murphy, they are universally great – what you basically have is One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest meets Escape From New York, with lashings of a A Tale of Two Cities thrown in. ("'Tis a far better thing I do than I have ever done...") Sure, the first time through, The Dark Knight was a blast, a thought-provoking exercise and a rumination on the nature of good and evil, but once you’ve been blasted, had your thoughts provoked and are done ruminating, there’s not much left to really, well, like. Watching Batman Begins again was unrewarding but not irksome; watching The Dark Knight again physically hurt, because I remembered worshiping at its altar just as most everyone else was doing back in aught nine, and I now had to confront the possibility that I had been so very mistaken in my sentiments. Seriously, I had more fun watching Catwoman; was more enchanted by Steel. And The Dark Knight is the best, most acclaimed and highest-grossing of all DC’s output.

Let’s cross over, now, to the Marvel side of the DVD shelf. (What, you don’t keep yours separated?) Leaving aside the aforementioned 1980’s flicks, and also forgetting about the 1990 direct-to-video Captain America -- a feel-good World War II action romp; “Gee whiz, we gotta get going, Mr. President!” -- and the unreleased 1994 Fantastic Four movie -- in which Victor von Doom and Reed Richards are a slashfic waiting to happen -- things really kicked of theatrically for Marvel with 1998’s Blade. Pitting Wesley Snipes, at the height of his ass-kicking appeal, as vampire hunter Blade against then-hottest of the hot Stephen Dorff as arch-nemesis Deacon Frost was a master-stroke, and despite not staying true to the character at all (what the hell’s a half-vampire?), it racked up an impressive showing at the box office and ushered in a new age of Marvel cinematic supremacy. At a time when the DC side of the fence had just gifted us with the turgid excrescence that was (and remains -- trust me) Batman and Robin, Marvel Studios, in their first co-production, proffered a bona fide action-fest that drew a wide audience among both comic fans and non.

After all, prior to his movie, Blade was hardly well-known outside comicville. In fact, he wasn’t that well known in it, either, being one of the more obscure heroes to come out of Marvel’s 1970’s monster books, and having spent pretty much a decade in exile after Dr. Strange killed off all the world’s vampires in 1983. So DC’s biggest successes had come from Batman and Superman, their two leading lights (Wonder Woman is probably the comic house’s other big name, thanks mainly to the Lynda Carter series of the 70’s), whereas Marvel was able to field such a depth of talent that it was able to bring a second -- or even tenth -- stringer off the bench and make him a star. A star so popular that his follow-up adventure, 2000’s Blade II, was the #1 movie at the US box office on its release, and made even more money than its progenitor. (Yes, okay, I know, Blade: Trinity. It’s horrible. Let’s move on.)

2000 also saw the release of Bryan Singer’s glorious X-Men, and that, my friends, is where our tale really puts our good guys (Marvel) in an unassailable position as the leaders in this particular field. Again, inspired casting helped make X-Men a success -- the person who tapped Hugh Jackman for the role of Wolverine, after Dougray Scott dropped out, deserves some kind of statue erected to them somewhere -- but it also served to introduce the general movie-going public to the “team” concept in comics, helped establish a universal knowledge of things like mutant powers and adamantium and the hotness of cartoon characters, and generally made comic book lore accessible and even interesting to those who would have considered themselves above such things before X-Men’s premiere.

Now, this may merely be because I happen to be a chick who likes comic books, but I applaud this general broadening of comic familiarity. While I realized in the late 90’s that I am by no means alone -- thank you, internet! – being a girl and proudly owning a mint copy of Vampirella #1 was something that I spent my adolescence aware was Just Plain Weird. So perhaps I am speaking as the closeted teenager I once was (funny how I was unashamed to own a Mariah Carey album, but hid my Dark Horse Presents collection away in embarrassment) when I say anything that engenders an awareness of any comic book among the general populace is a Very Good Thing. As comic fans, I think we’re all better off the more widely known the objects of our affection become; even the fact that there is much distinction between the Marvel Universe and the DC Universe is slowly being recognized by those who have yet to claim allegiance to either nation. With the advent of star-vehicle blockbuster comic book movies from both sides of this debate, the comically uninitiated are slowly cottoning on to our little slice of illustrated life, and I think that is only to be encouraged. Comics are the new vampires; there’s a type for every taste in literature, and therefore a type for every taste in film. Non-Marvel/DC (proposed mashup name: DCarvel) gems like the Hellboy movies, Sin City, Mystery Men, the recent Kick-Ass and this month’s Scott Pilgrim illustrate that comic books provide ample fodder for any number of movie-going demographics; and even the problematic non-DCarvel (wow, it’s catching on already!) adaptation attempts like Judge Dredd, Constantine and From Hell have at least, like their DCarvel counterparts, raised the profiles of graphic novels (and by extension, their fans) throughout the mundane world.

My learned colleague has leveled many charges at Marvel’s head in his diatribe on this issue, his main one being that Marvel irresponsibly offers up its characters willy-nilly for adaptation and that DC is to be commended for keeping it’s sacred. I disagree. Sure, the efforts to film our heroes may occasionally bring the various comic houses and/or titles into disrepute, but I’d rather they at least try to deliver their stories unto the populace than hoard them away all safe and sound to be enjoyed only by those already in the know.

Where some might see judicious restraint in the actions of DC -- and its parent company, Warner Bros -- in refusing to bring out a JLA, Wonder Woman or Black Adam movie, I see only cowardice. I see a lack of faith in its product, and in its fans. When the Golden Age of Marvel movies began in the late 90’s, the Big 2 the comic house could claim were -- I would contend -- Spider-Man and The Hulk, if only due to the Saturday morning cartoon (and theme song) of the one and the Lou Ferrigno TV series of the other. Iron Man was pretty damned obscure indeed before Robert Downey Jr. signed on to play him, and as far as anyone outside of the four color brigade was aware, Daredevil could just as easily have been a movie about Evel Knievel as my Man Without Fear. (And, oh, don’t I wish it was!) Man-Thing, who got himself his very own -- deliciously dire -- Sci-Fi original in 2005, is so esoteric a character as to basically be an extra. But Marvel, and sundry other producers, saw potential in these relative unknowns and others like them. They then sought to bring these heroes to the public’s notice, and it seems they’ll keep on bringing them to the public’s notice till the public takes proper… er… note.

It's called persistence of vision, and I consider it a very worthy trait.

The 2003 Hulk didn’t succeed, despite having Ang Lee at the helm and starring Eric Bana and Jennifer Connelly? Let’s do it again, with Edward Fricken Norton in the role -- he is beyond compelling in 2008's The Incredible Hulk, and his absence from the 2012 Avengers line-up is a tragedy. (God, Marvel Studios' President Kevin Feige is a real douche.)

The Dolph Lundgren 1989 version of The Punisher didn’t appeal? Let’s do it again in 2004, with the beauteous Thomas Jane donning the signature skull-decorated T-shirt that Lundgren unaccountably spurned. And when that didn’t work? (Though, I have to tell you, it continues to work for me.) Let’s try it again again, in 2008, this time throwing in a whole lot of cursing and a far burlier leading man. I look forward to the inevitable Punisher reboot a few years hence, with, oh, I dunno, Zac Efron to star. If at first you don’t succeed…

In the meantime, bring on both an Iron Man and Fantastic Four 3, Marvel! (I fell in love with The Rise of the Silver Surfer anew on re-watch, and not only because Norrin Radd is yet another of my comic book crushes; yeah, I lied before when I said that was all.) Bring on Thor and Captain America and X-Men: First Class and -- my God! -- a Joss-directed Avengers, and that long-proposed Red Sonja reboot (with or without Rose McGowan). Give us an Ant-Man movie and a Scarlet Witch movie and a Black Widow movie and X-Men Origins: Gambit (re-cast, hopefully), and keep ’em coming.

And, DC? Don’t be such pansy asses. Ryan Reynolds in Green Lantern’s a start, but come on! Don’t be afraid to let your lovelight shine. Get yourselves a Teen Titans movie and a Flash movie and an Aquaman movie (if you get Vincent Chase to star, it’ll be killer) and, oh, I don’t know, a Vulcan movie or something, and don’t be so terrified that they’ll fail.

As they say, any publicity is good publicity. And on that count alone, Marvel wins this one hands down.

-- Rachel Hyland

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Further Reading

The Top 13... Superheroes Without Superpowers, this issue
Geek Speak's Superman review by K. Burtt
Geek Speak's Blade II review by K. Burtt
Geek Speak's Spider-Man review by Brad Crammond
Geek Speak's Daredevil review by Rachel Hyland
Geek Speak's Howard the Duck review by Rachel Hyland

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