Oh, V, you can’t do this to me! You just can’t! You can’t be uneven for nine episodes and then totally rock for three and then just go away! Come back, V, come back!

(Whew.) Let me back up for a minute.

“Red Sky” fires up when one of Anna’s Terminators feeds on a deer, a visual I didn’t really need. But then, he gets a whiff of something in the air, bounds off, and kidnaps an in-labor Val – any other show would have had the two of them playing cat and mouse until the second commercial break, but director Robert Duncan McNeill (Tom Paris!) and the writers have bigger fish to fry this week, so the Terminator expeditiously captures Val and turns her over to the Mothership. In short order, Ryan gets himself taken, the two reunite, Val gives birth (to what, we don’t see… bah, show)… and then Anna walks in and kills her dead.

I totally did not see that coming, and although I’ll miss Lourdes Benedicto a lot, I can see where she might have been considered expendable. On the other hand, this (and his re-introduction to the Bliss) will just give Ryan more to angst about next season (WHEN IT FINALLY GETS HERE, ahem), and I’m not sure I need to see that, either. I mean, Morris Chestnut is plumb beautiful – if they did a “Men of V” calendar, it would consist of one month of Father Jack and the punching bag, one month of Joshua making soulful eyes at the camera, one month of Hobbes in his Tight Black T-Shirt of I’m Going To Take You Right Now, Woman, and nine months of Ryan assuming various saucy postures and attitudes. (Logan Huffman can have a little icon on the back, next to the publisher’s information.) – Yes, attractive, but not terribly bright and TEH SUXXER as a boyfriend. Any anguish he’s feeling right now, he completely brought on himself; it’s hard for me not to shrug and say he’s getting what he deserves. But moving on…

Speaking of Hobbes, he has an Achilles heel after all – “her.” I think it would be a great twist if “she” turned out to be a valuable racehorse, or maybe Hobbes’ yacht or something, but I’m sure it’s a daughter, probably a teenage daughter, probably a cute and perky teenage daughter who will conveniently be on hand to heal Tyler’s broken heart after Lisa inevitably dumps him for Joshua. (More on those two anon.) Also: “It’s a clutch, not a handbag.” HAH!

I did enjoy the scene between Hobbes and Marcus; the Mystery of Marcus deepens, particularly given his scene at the very end. Is he the true head of the Fifth Column, or is he plotting a coup and willing to use any and all means at his disposal – Hobbes, Joshua, whatever – to pull it off? I’m not sure, but I will say that surprisingly, the lack of clarity around Marcus’ motivation hasn’t started to vex me yet. Instead, I’m looking at him as a puzzle to be solved. If we get to Season 4 and answers still aren’t forthcoming, I’ll be annoyed, but right now I’m having a blast trying to figure Marcus out.

I’m also having a blast watching (and, to be honest, shipping) Joshua and his “Queen.” Honestly, during the first few episodes, did anyone really think that Mark Hildreth and Laura Vandervoort would be among the more compelling characters on the show? I thought that she was useless eye candy and he was probably a one-off. Now, I really look forward to their interactions; she’s clueless, he thinks it’s hopeless (it’s a very sad state of affairs when one is forced to take the likes of Tyler seriously as one’s stiffest competition), they generate actual chemistry together, and the potential for larger-than-life drama is totally there; she’s loyal to her mother (to a point), he has sworn to bring her mother down…

…Oh, and also she has every reason to believe he’s dead. Damn you, Erica!

What, you thought I had forgotten the dinner party? How could I? Erica and Anna make small talk (over some really gorgeous wineglasses – WANT), then Erica steps out and destroys Anna’s eggs, using the grenade that Joshua gave Lisa and Lisa gave her. Two issues here: First, whatever happened to poor Dr. Parker from last week – the guy who could save us all from becoming lizard bait? And second, I’ll be far from the first or only person to observe that what passes for security on that ship is a joke. The future of the V race is on the line and Anna doesn’t even lock the gestatorium door? There are no guards? No security cameras? Erica should volunteer, as an FBI agent skilled in these matters, to conduct a comprehensive security assessment of the Mothership; she’d gain Anna’s trust, get free and easy access to the Vs’ security plan (such as it is), and obtain valuable intelligence.

But that’s all for the future. In this episode, she freezes the eggs and then becomes involved in a firefight in the corridor that evokes the original series maybe a little too well. V 2010’s horrible special effects: homage to the original series, or result of dwindling revenues and a budget that’s top-heavy with often poorly utilized talent? Discuss amongst yourselves.

Anyway, Joshua urges Erica to shoot him. It’s unclear whether he realizes that he can be brought back or he thinks that being shot is preferable to being skinned alive -- his probable fate if he sticks around. However, when Erica actually did shoot him “dead” I wailed at my TV: “NOOOO! I’m never watching this stupid show again! Rachel can’t make me!” Oh me of little faith. I had completely forgotten what we learned from eVil Dale, namely, a dead V can be resurrected. And Joshua is brought back… by Marcus, in yet another of those OMG WTF moments for which this show is rapidly earning renown. When Joshua jerks awake, and Marcus says “Welcome back,” he sounds almost kindly. Like he’s happy to see Joshua, and not just in an “Oh, goody, I get to indulge in my favorite hobby of skinning traitors” kind of way. For the thousandth time, I ask: What is this dude up to?

Anna discovers what has happened to her spawn, and her howl of rage is truly awesome to behold. I think Morena Baccarin is having a great time with this role; I know I’m having a lot of fun watching her. And her realization that she is experiencing human emotions for the first time (and Lisa’s little smirk upon hearing this) is beautifully played. Why and how is she experiencing emotion? Is it because of her shared moment of Bliss, one-on-one, with the emotive Ryan, or is it something that is destined to happen to all the Vs sooner or later? Someone on (I think) Television Without Pity was theorizing that something about being trapped within human skin makes the Visitors susceptible to emotion; that’s as sound a theory as any.

On Earth, Jack scuttles his career by coming out as anti-V, and no, the Catholic Church can’t excommunicate him for that; nor could Father Travis actually kick him out of the rectory for speaking out against the Vs. (Now, if he were to, say, celebrate the Fifth Column’s victory in a hot tub with Erica, the Church would be on slightly more solid ground.) His speech is silly, but Chad (oh, yeah, he was in this episode, too) seems affected. And finally…

ANNA’S REVENGE. Of peace? My ass. The skies boil as the armada takes its place above Earth. (That’s probably why the hallway firefight looks so fake; the effects guys were saving their thunder for this scene.) And then that’s it! We’re left hanging not only until next season, but until the middle of next season. I must say that I have more sympathy for our editor-in-chief’s position with regard to hiati than I ever have before, because the thought of waiting all that time to find out what happens next is killing me. Eight months of speculation and fanfic isn’t going to cut it; I need canon, people! Come back, V! Come back!

The Checklist

  -- Kate Nagy