Issue 4
June 2010
June 2010
Movie Reviews
*
IN THEATERS*
[REC] 2
"This isn’t a film about a virus that caused a group of people to mutate into 28 Days-esque not-quite-zombies, oh no. This is about demons, baby!" -- Mark Ritchie
SHREK
FOREVER AFTER
"A mid-life crisis? Are we really doing this, Shrek Forever After? Are we really turning this kids’ flick into an Edward Burns movie?" -- Rachel Hyland
SPLICE
"Splice rises out of the gluttony of modern horror and science fiction films. It has the old school charm, and it uses that to create a unique film for its time. " -- David Baldwin
THE
A-TEAM
"It knows it is ridiculous, and never once does it mistake this notion to be a bad thing. Instead, the film revels in it and has fun with the audience." -- David Baldwin
THE
KARATE KID
"This so-called Karate Kid starred Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan and was two hours and twenty minutes of raw sewage funneled through an old sweat sock." -- Malcolm Matthews
TOY
STORY 3
"Toy Story 3! Toy Story 3! Toy Story 3! Woody! Buzz! Ham! Barbie and Ken! Hooray, hooray, hooray! Oh, wait. I’m a grown up." -- Rachel Hyland
IN THEATERS*
[REC] 2"This isn’t a film about a virus that caused a group of people to mutate into 28 Days-esque not-quite-zombies, oh no. This is about demons, baby!" -- Mark Ritchie
SHREK
FOREVER AFTER"A mid-life crisis? Are we really doing this, Shrek Forever After? Are we really turning this kids’ flick into an Edward Burns movie?" -- Rachel Hyland
SPLICE"Splice rises out of the gluttony of modern horror and science fiction films. It has the old school charm, and it uses that to create a unique film for its time. " -- David Baldwin
THE
A-TEAM"It knows it is ridiculous, and never once does it mistake this notion to be a bad thing. Instead, the film revels in it and has fun with the audience." -- David Baldwin
THE
KARATE KID"This so-called Karate Kid starred Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan and was two hours and twenty minutes of raw sewage funneled through an old sweat sock." -- Malcolm Matthews
TOY
STORY 3"Toy Story 3! Toy Story 3! Toy Story 3! Woody! Buzz! Ham! Barbie and Ken! Hooray, hooray, hooray! Oh, wait. I’m a grown up." -- Rachel Hyland
NOW ON DVD
HARD
RIDE TO HELL"Hard Ride to Hell… well, sure, gruesome and horrific and ghastly and wrong, but also really, really enjoyable. Really." -- Rachel Hyland
MOVIE MARATHON
Our topic this month: Vampires!
THE
FEARLESS VAMPIRE KILLERS"The idiocy of this film's title pales in comparison to the rampant stupidity of the film itself." -- Rachel Hyland
LESBIAN
VAMPIRE KILLERS"The title begins to be clear. This is not the story of lesbians who kill vampires, it is of the killers of lesbian vampires. Got it." -- Rachel Hyland
MY
BEST FRIEND IS A VAMPIRE"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a teenage boy in the throws of puberty must be in want of some sex." -- Rachel Hyland
Our topic next month: in the lead-up to Piranha 3-D, When Mutated Animals Attack!
