After a long hiatus, Smallville returns with a peculiar episode, to say the least. There are moments of pure, unadulterated geekdom to be found within "Escape", and certainly, it’s an escape from the show’s usual storytelling format, but – and this is a big but – the hour doesn’t convince as a whole, and that’s mainly down to the fact the Smallville writing staff do not know how to plan out a season.

I’ll kick things off with the good parts of the hour:

Chloe sums up this episode perfectly during the pre-titled sequence (‘‘That was fast.’’), but I thoroughly enjoyed Clark zipping around Metropolis saving innocents, with Chloe navigating him via a Bluetooth headset. The banter between the two during these scenes was refreshing – it felt very like the Clark and Chloe of old. They’ve been too bogged down with being the Blur and Watchtower lately; I had almost forgotten they had personalities to boot.

Everybody gets the chance to discard their titles and ‘escape’ to a nice little B&B far, far away from Metropolis – the reporter, the hero, the playboy and Miss Exposition are all taken out of their usual roles, to allow us to connect to our main characters again. It’s about time. Season 9 has been successful in terms of the Geek-O-meter treats, but the arc, and more importantly, its characters, haven’t been explored in any significant ways. This episode tries to rectify that, but it’s a typically Smallville case of too much, much too late.

This didn’t feel like a Smallville episode at all, actually. It felt like a standalone episode of Supernatural, sans the hunky brothers and witty script. Spooky woodland surroundings: check. Strange mythic lore: check. Ghostly goings on: check. A last minute rush to kill the seemingly unstoppable ghost that’s about to kill a very important character unless something of significant sentimental value of theirs is burned… *pants*… check!

I digress.

The entire Couples Retreat angle didn’t really click with me, and that’s mainly down to the fact relationships never feel natural on this show. It’s one of my main gripes with Smallville and its staff of writers. This episode, while it only just barely scrapes the credibility barrel, could have been so much better had the season been properly planned out.

Oliver and Chloe hooked up two episodes ago and have shared probably ten minutes of screen time together – they’ve gone from Booty Call to a Bed & Breakfast without any storylines dedicated to their initial attraction. We’re meant to read between the lines and see that these two have been so emotionally wounded in the past that casual sex is exactly what the doctor ordered, right? But Chloe hasn’t done anything in the first half of the season outside of her job as Watchtower to suggest she’d prefer the playa’ playa’ lifestyle. While Oliver is certainly a catch, I just don’t buy this particular coupling. At all.

There are enough Clois moments to satiate the shippers, but I feel as though this episode should have been used to establish their adult relationship. Slipping into something as eye popping as Lois’ little number, nipping into bed with Clark, only to talk? How very high school. How very Lana Lang. I realize this isn’t HBO, but have at it already!

They should have taken a few pointers from Tess and Zod. After reeling from the hilariousness of their meeting point – the Kent barn, really?! – Tess shows off her masochistic side, for as soon as Zod is weakened and on his knees, she immediately finds him attractive. I like that about her. I do not in anyway support this pairing either, but I like how it reveals more about Tess as a person, and as a lover. Zod is still a twat, mind you.

As for the Silver Banshee storyline, it was worth it for the very, very silly reveal. It was so silly that it made the episode. Silver Banshee looked the part, in a Comic-Con sort of way, but how she came about didn’t make a lick of sense. A possessed Lois transforms into an entirely different being. Said being is effectively terminated. Lois is nowhere to be seen. She then pops up in the next scene and knows everything that went on, even though Chloe had amnesia while possessed. Hrm.

In a nutshell, a delightful mess. Not quite the return I was expecting and it could have been sooo much better with a little more planning. Lively performances from the main cast (who all look fantastic, by the way) charge the story with a zany undercurrent that almost lets the episode off the hook. Almost.

  -- Mark Ritchie