There is a place in my heart for the Evil Dead series. I first saw Evil Dead II when I was eight years old. My uncle was most likely high when he had me watch it: I think anyone would have to be high to let an eight-year old watch Evil Dead II back to back with Nightmare on Elm Street III right before bedtime. Even my eight-year old self was delighted with the sequel. Later in life, once I got the chance, I also watched the rest of the trilogy. We all know my thoughts on Army of Darkness, but I never really had that much of an opinion on the first movie. As it turns out, while I thought I was given Evil Dead II as a gift years ago, I was actually given the original.

Revisiting it has been interesting to say the least, particularly in the wake of the announcement that the film will be remade. I also decided to watch it with a friend who is new to the whole thing, so I could see how it would play out on a Sam Raimi Virgin.

The first movie starts out with five kids taking a scary drive to a cabin. Of course it’s scary! I can’t remember who dies first, so my friend and I make bets on who will be the first victim, based on the Rules for Horror Movies. This lasts into the scene with the kids partying, and now we know they really will die. They party at least until the basement door opens. Then we stop and review who the characters are.

Scotty (Hal Delrich) is the blond. He’s pretty much an asshole so we hope he dies first. As he disappears into the basement, this becomes a possibility, until of course the other guy, Ash (Bruce Campbell), finds him alive. During their basement time, they find an old book that some accompanying tapes (remember books on tape?! This is like that, only better) describe as the Sumerian Book of the Dead. Of course, it would be bound in human flesh and written in blood. Even more surprising, it’s in excellent shape for a 5,000 year old book that’s been kept in a leaky basement for a while.

Of course, it’s Scotty the Asshole who decides to play the tape that raises the demons from the book. He naturally ignores the women, who were smart enough to turn the tape off before it got to the invocations. He’s particularly sexist to Cheryl (Ellen Sandweiss) where he mansplains that she’s hysterical. I hope a zombie eats his face. See, kids, sexism kills!

Unfortunately, it seems that the otherwise sensible Cheryl is the first one lured out of the cabin. She gets sucked out into the forest, and luckily for me, I know what happens in this scene. Sam Raimi once said somewhere that raping a character with a tree was one of the few movie choices he wishes he could take back. So, I’m giving him a break and fast-forwarding though it all. My friend protests, because he doesn’t believe me about what’s going to happen, but I give him the stink eye and he settles down. Cheryl makes it back and insists on leaving. Ash helps her out, but they don’t get over the bridge. They return to the cabin and Cheryl turns into the first Deadite. After a struggle, they manage to lock Poor Zombified Cheryl into the basement.

Scotty’s girlfriend Shelly (Sarah York) is the next victim. She stands by the window and says, “I think there’s something out there.” No kidding. Your friend is a drooling zombie, maybe you should get away from the window. Scotty tells her to go to bed. As another indicator that no one should be listening to him, Shelly does so and becomes the next Deadite. Scotty goes looking for Shelly and she gets back at him for his assholery by holding him over hot flames. Scotty tries to cut off her hand, but Zombie Shelly helps him out by just biting it off right before she gets stabbed in the back and dies. But wait! Those Deadites are always faking it! Scotty finally gets her with an axe and that finishes that.

Shelly had also wounded Ash’s girlfriend Linda (Betsy Baker) in the kerfuffle, and Scotty recommends that the guys leave her and get out. I think Scotty is a horrible person for wanting to leave Linda, but as I noted earlier, he just chopped up his own girlfriend with an axe. I suppose at this point, all bets are off where relationships are concerned. Even bromance, since Scotty leaves Ash for the woods. As it happens, the argument is short-lived; Linda is the next to go. However, just as Ash is about to kill her, she turns back to the real, non-Deadite Linda. And hey, there’s Cheryl who is also fine. Real Cheryl would just liked to be out of this creepy basement, if you don’t mind. Ash, the big dummy, goes to help.

Of course, as we’ve learned in this movie, the Deadites are always faking it! As Zombie Cheryl and Linda now go after him again, he manages to kill Linda. He tries to chop her up, but can’t do it and buries her instead. Good is So Stupid. Meanwhile, Cheryl does get out of the basement and Linda rises from her grave only to be decapitated by a shovel. We haven’t seen Poor Dead Scotty in a bit. As an aside, why are the women so easily turned and not the men? Why haven’t Ash or Scotty been turned into Deadites?

At this point Ash is So Over It. He’s got a shotgun and he’s ready to shoot anything. His sister Cheryl? An apt target. The window? Maybe that was a mistake. At this point, Scotty becomes zombified, so maybe I was too quick to assume that the Sumerians liked women more. As Scotty and Cheryl team up to kill Ash, he sees the Book of the Dead, and throws it into the fire. As soon as he does, the Deadites turn into claymation and dissolve. In their place are hands that rip the bodies into bugs. Ash stands up just as the sun rises. He is the Last Dude Standing, or the Boy Jamie Lee Curtis, or however you feel about it. Or at least we think he is… until the creepy wind starts up and we end on him screaming.

I see why Sam Raimi remade this movie in the sequel, rather than continuing it. There is a huge amount of material that was unintentionally funny, it makes sense that it’s the perfect blueprint to make something hilarious. I hope they keep the same laughs with the remake, although I don’t think it will happen.

   -- Sara Paige