Although it provided an absurd amount of fun and adventure, not to mention one of the most iconic film characters of the past decade, I kind of wish Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl failed miserably and just became a cult hit. The two cash-grabbing sequels that followed were just miserable, messy and oftentimes inanely silly attempts at trying to recreate the magic, but both failed on almost all counts. While I will admit I enjoyed both films the first time I saw them (At World’s End significantly more than the snoozefest Dead Man’s Chest), rewatching and further recollections of the events that transpire in both films make them significantly worse.

So you can immediately see where the skepticism comes in when preparing to watch On Stranger Tides, the fourth film in a franchise that killed itself all too quickly.

Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) is back in London, where he finds out about an impending trip to find the previously teased Fountain of Youth. While he is not really prepared to go on a quest to find it for the King of England like Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) is, he does get roped into coming alongside former flame Angelica (Penélope Cruz) who is also searching for it. And her father, the captain of her ship, just happens to be the notorious pirate Blackbeard (Ian McShane).

Even though it may not sound like much (especially after the unbearable amount of subplots that seem to describe this franchise), On Stranger Tides still manages to dedicate plenty of time to a few storylines and each of the main characters. But this is not nearly as terrible as it may sound. Rather wisely, this is the shortest film in the series by a long shot, and it never feels nearly as stretched out as the other three films. The majority of fat has been trimmed, and the story follows as straight a path as it can as these pirates and crew journey to find the mythical fountain. There are no silly anecdotes and miniscule character scenes devised to pad out the running time and in turn, make the film obscenely lengthy. There are no useless supporting characters designed merely to provide some sort of wacky comedic effect using their fake body parts, asinine methods of speech or general stupidity. In fact, outside of Depp and Rush, the only returning non-cameo character is Kevin McNally’s Gibbs, who is even more downplayed than I thought he would be.

As wonderful as this may sound, it comes at a price -- there are no real standout characters in the film at all, and this includes returning characters. Blackbeard is built up to be an evil dictator and heinous villain, but they barely give McShane any time to let us see that side of his character. He gets a pretty awesome introduction, then sits back and looks bored for the rest of the film. The addition of Sam Claflin and Astrid Berges-Frisbey as an unconventional lovestruck pair may remind audiences of Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley, but they lack chemistry and come off more annoying and forced than anything else. Rush seems to have been toned down and held back from stealing any scenes or time from anyone, specifically Depp. He looks like he is having fun, and there is a sadness and disappointment to his character that is briefly explored but seems to say a lot more about his performance than anything else. Cruz looks like she is enjoying herself, and seems to be getting the most enjoyment out of what her character says and does. But even with the conflicting emotions Angelica displays at every turn, we never really get the opportunity to feel for her as a character. We merely get to hear her side, but not experience it.

Which leaves us with the former Captain Jack. Depp has been wisely dialed back, and is more conventional in his zany, over-the-top antics. He is more in tune with his Oscar-nominated performance in Black Pearl than he is with his amped up, overcooked roles in the films that followed. He is the best part about On Stranger Tides, and it is because he actually looks like he is attempting to act, as opposed to doing his very best to make a complete ass of himself. He has a lot of great lines and even better character moments, and these help bring back that initial sense of fun we had when we were first introduced to him eight years ago. He makes us care for him and appreciate him. We do not simply take his existence for granted.

The special effects are just as great as always, even though there are no show stopping additions like Davy Jones and his crew. It actually felt more realistic than I imagined it would, and a whole lot less fantastical. I can say I appreciated the more minimalistic approach, and liked that the film did not really overdo it in any specific instance. A scene involving the attempted procuring of a mermaid is of particular note, not just because it is the lengthiest and most significant action scene in the film, but because it is done incredibly well and effectively. And as you may have easily guessed, the 3D offers very little to the film, but rather surprisingly does not get in the way of any of its visuals. It does not complement them all that much, but at least it does not mask how awful they really are (unlike a certain comic book hero’s film that came out only a few weeks ago).

For all that works and fails in On Stranger Tides, I found that the film provided a light amount of entertainment and mild enjoyment, but not much else. They just could have done so much more with this film than what ended up in the final product. It certainly made up for the past two entries in the series, but it feels like it has come much too late. The franchise is dead, and this last hurrah is simply that. It may set up for future sequels, but could easily just be content at going out with a finale that was satisfying enough. I know we inevitably have not seen the end of Jack Sparrow, but I can only hope with a bit more effort, they can make another movie that feels like it could reside on the same plain as the original film. Otherwise, they should call it a day and find another Disney ride they can make a disgusting amount of money off of. [Suggestion: Space Mountain! - Ed.]

   -- David Baldwin