---

For most of its current second season, ABC’s Cougar Town has apologized for its crappy, off-putting and somewhat misleading title. “Titles are hard” it claimed on one occasion. As indeed they are. But the choice of Cougar Town, with its implications of a pack of older women preying on young and possibly naïve youngsters, was just a bad, bad call from the outset. Because Cougar Town, the show, isn’t really about that (except for, occasionally, when it is about that). It’s about a group of witty and kooky neighbors and friends who spend every day together and compete for the affections of one Jules Cobb, played with consummate adorability by the ageless Courtney Cox. It’s a romantic comedy about complicated adult relationships made unique and hilarious by its screwball shenanigans and a uniformly engaging ensemble cast. Admittedly, its poorly chosen name isn’t the show’s only problem -- inconsistent characterization being its main other flaw -- but it still remains one of the comedy gems of the past few television seasons, and yet one that many have given the go by, thinking it most probably an uncomfortable reality-type show, possibly involving Tila Tequila in some way.

And Cougar Town isn’t the only series to have shackled itself with an unfortunate handle. Even ignoring those involving bad puns -- your Blind Justice: he’s a blind police detective!; your HawthoRNe: she’s a Registered Nurse!; your Joan of Arcadia: her name’s Joan, she lives in Arcadia, and she hears the voice of God! -- and the shows whose bad names were only beaten by their worse quality -- Shasta McNasty, Homeboys in Outerspace, Poochinski -- there have still been a plethora of quality productions that labored hard under their ill-advised designations, and were all too often penalized for it.

Let us take a look, then, at some of the best stuff that came to us in the worst possible packaging; if you’ve been put off by any of these titles, then you should really consider not judging them by their (DVD) covers…

---

Covert Affairs
USA Network
2010 –

You hear this title, you think Alias meets Sex and the City. You think hot spy chick porn. But last year’s surprise hit series is pure black ops dramedy goodness, and while, yes, there are affairs, no more so than in, say, Nikita. Luckily, USA’s viewership has a high tolerance for the quirky network’s shenanigans -- and, apparently, for awful opening credits sequences -- which led Covert Affairs to a pick up for a second season. Which is great, because likeable leading lady Piper Perabo, the endearing Christopher Gorham (formerly of Jake 2.0), the sex-on-legs Eion Bailey (from Center Stage!) and the unfathomably beautiful Sendhil Ramamurthy (of Heroes fame) deserve as much time on our screens as they can get.

Fillmore!
ABC
2002-2004

For a start, punctuation marks in a TV show title are almost as bad as using alternative symbols in the place of letters (Vega$, Arli$$, Numb3rs, etc.). But in a clever animated series about detective safety monitors at X Middle School dealing with fixed mini golf matches and missing scooters -- and one whose clever premise was kind of an Alternate Earth Veronica Mars Jr. that could have made it a crossover adult favorite in a Powerpuff Girls kind of way -- it was entirely unacceptable. What message does that exclamation point send to its target audience? That our hero’s name gets yelled out a lot? Well, true, it does… but since he was cursed with a name that reminds one of nothing so much as one of the duller US presidents, having it shouted from the opening credits was bound to put off much of its Saturday morning target audience, if only by reminding them far too forcibly of homework.

Firefly
FOX
2002

For a start, Firefly was the class of spaceship on which this tragically short-lived Joss Whedon show was set, not even the name of the ship itself. So in addition to contending with being a Science Fiction Western from a creator whose core fan base cut their eyeteeth on his work involving a sassy, nubile vampire slayer, and airing in the Friday Night Death Slot, and being on FOX, it also had a needlessly confusing and cryptic name. No wonder it only lasted eleven episodes before getting the axe. The fact that it’s excellent cast, top-notch production values and rapier-sharp wit led to phenomenal DVD sales, which then led to a feature film -- the much more sensibly entitled Serenity -- should perhaps preclude it from ridicule here, but no, it doesn’t. Firefly was a dumbass choice. So bad that the demographically-limiting Buffy the Vampire Slayer seems positively Get Smart-ian by comparison.

FreakyLinks
FOX
2000-2001

This was actually a pretty good show, in a very X-Files-ian manner, but at the time -- way back in the dark ages at the turn of the century -- the internet was a scary and unknown quantity to a large percentage of the world, and to them this may well have sounded like a show in which strange things happened on a golf course. It was a time before YouTube and Facebook and the word “google” as a verb, a time when you could call a company and not get referred to their website, a time when people still used faxes… and since the series was about a tech-savvy paranormal investigator’s online presence, a disinterested and discombobulated viewing public stayed away in droves. FreakyLinks only lasted five episodes before being ruthlessly purged from the lineup, leaving us Ethan Embry-less for far too long… but the worst part? FreakyLinks wasn’t even the show’s original name. That, friends, was Fearsum. It is to be hoped someone in the production office lost their job over that.

The Guardian
CBS
2001-2004

So, what, exactly, were they thinking with this title? Just what is the titular disgraced lawyer and much beset child advocate supposed to be guardian of? His hair? Did they not know that at no point in his guardianship of… what, Pittsburgh?... would a pre-Mentalist (again, not the best show name ever), Simon Baker guard anything? Sure, it was a layered, textured courtroom procedural-cum-redemption tale that lasted three ultimately frustrating seasons… but never did its title make a lick of real sense.

It’s Like, You Know…
ABC
1999 - 2000

This sitcom was about a group of twenty-somethings in LA: the bitter New York writer (Chris Eigeman), the wide-eyed small town masseuse (AJ Langer), the wealthy but clueless dilettante (Evan Handler), the narcissistic yet charming entrepreneur (Steven Eckholdt) and the has-been actress struggling in the wake of unfortunate plastic surgery – cleverly played by Dirty Dancing’s Jennifer Grey, as herself. It was well-written and quirky, featured an extremely likeable cast and offered up some great quotes, but it’s like, you know…? A stupid title. Valley girl stupid. It even has an ellipses in it! Yes, the line is uttered in most if not all the episodes, but you know what? So is the word “the.” You didn’t call the show The, did ya? A short first season led to an order for a full second, but nonetheless the series ended up canceled with seven completed episodes yet to be aired. Truly a shame but it’s like, you know…? Bad grammar karma.

The Knights of Prosperity
ABC
2007

The seemingly-cursed Donal Logue’s first appearance here, this subtle and misunderstood black comedy series was founded around a slacker dreaming of a big payday (kind of Logue’s specialty), who puts together a band of merry men in order to rob celebrities, starting with Mick Jagger. Despite its amusing cameos -- although, Screech from Saved by the Bell? Really? -- smart dialogue and endlessly watchable lead, The Knights of Prosperity was doomed to cancelation by its gratuitously dreadful name. True, it’s a name that was culled from the show, but seriously? It sounds like a bad Fantasy novel; one you’d see in the $1 bin at a bargain book store and still not buy.

Miss Match
NBC
2003

This show was touted as Alicia Silverstone’s comeback vehicle -- how tragic, that she needed one… Batman and Robin was most likely to blame -- but failed to fulfill its purpose. For a start, the “Miss” was bound to piss off the feminists -- hell, even Ms. Pacman was more politically correct. Second, the awful pun of the name (she’s unmarried and she’s a matchmaker!) was bound to piss off the… well, everyone else. Also, the plot -- divorce attorney by day, diehard romantic by night -- was based on a true story, and it is a common misconception that those are only entertaining on TV if there is triumphant self-sacrifice, talking to dead people, or human lie detecting involved. The show was, perhaps unjustly, canceled after eight episodes, although eighteen were shot -- many starring Firefly’s Nathan Fillion, Point Pleasant’s Dina Meyer and Psych’s James Roday, in a particularly disconcerting turn.

seaQuest DSV
NBC
1993-1996

Really? A lowercase-uppercase-in-the-one-word scenario? Really? And then the DSV tag on the end, which, for those interested, means Deep Sea Vehicle… but since this was a show set on a giant submarine, that’s not exactly a shocker. Nor especially necessary. Renamed in its final season, when Captain Bridger (Roy Scheider) left the series and the crew ended up even farther in the future -- hence the new moniker, seaQuest 2032 -- even the presence of an increasingly adorable Jonathan Brandis (and an increasing amount of DeLuises) couldn’t save this one.

NB. seaQuest was created by Rockne S. O’Bannon, who would go on to bring us the brilliant Farscape… also a name that could have used some work. In case you’re wondering, it was the designation of the experimental shuttle in which astronaut John Crichton (Ben Browder) got lost in space, don’t you know.

Silk Stalkings
CBS/USA Network
1991-1999

Oh, man, this name is just so, so bad. True, the show ran for eight seasons -- the first five starring Rob Estes and Mitzi Kapture (herself no stranger to the perils of poor nomenclature) -- and its attractive cast, ritzy Palm Beach setting and high end criminal cases made this procedural cop drama a very easy and enjoyable show to watch. But, given its title, how embarrassing to admit you watched it!

Space: Above and Beyond
FOX
1995-1996

A colon isn’t much better than Fillmore!’s exclamation point, and this one season sci-fi wonder, brainchild of X-Files wunderkinds Glenn Morgan and James Wong, deserved better than to be afflicted with one. The tale of five novice marine fighter pilots and their Colonel forming a squadron called the Wildcards (hmm... title idea?), it was space opera at its gritty, mind-altering, envelope-pushing finest, and the woe among the intelligentsia following its precipitate cancelation by FOX was palpable; essentially, it was the Firefly of its day.

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
NBC
2006-2007

Okay, the fact that the SNL-style sketch show at its heart was never terribly funny and that creator Aaron Sorkin’s zealous political views and very public personal woes became blatant plot-fodder also added to Studio 60’s manifold worries, but it was still a clever show with a sterling cast -- the crazy chemistry of leads Matthew Perry and Bradley Whitford, in particular, was always worth watching… plus, who doesn’t love Amanda Peet? -- which an elaborately dull title surely didn’t help. It lasted only a season, managing to resolve two major UST situations and unravel the Afghanistan problem in the process; whether a snappier name would have helped it to survive to resolve other ticklish world crises, we’ll never know. But at least its cancelation freed up Perry to make the movie 17 Again... oh, wait.

Terriers
F/X
2010

A joke established in the first episode of this recent gem told us what this title was supposed to be about. When deciding their de facto detective agency needed a name, charismatic leads Hank (hi again, Donal Logue!) and Britt (Michael Raymond-James) fumbled for something that would represent relentless pursuit of their cases… and came up with nothing. So the pair’s affable irony and potent chemistry was established, their agency went unnamed, and their show went unrenewed after its killer first season, despite much critical praise and the fact that it was on F/X -- not the easiest of networks to piss off. Oh, and there was a dog in the show… but it was a bulldog! Sometimes, clever people are just too clever by half.

Treme
HBO
2010 -

It’s hard to say you love something if you have no idea how to pronounce it. (Did Gigli teach us nothing?) Of course, this New Orleans-based post-Katrina drama is possessed of all the right elements for renewal on HBO (a short season, critical acclaim, a built-in fanbase, nudity), but still, the name… the name. They didn’t even give the word its proper French accent, like in the spelling of the neighborhood in which it is set, and yet we’re expected to say it as though they did! Treme = Tremé = Tre-may. Sheesh.

Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place
ABC
1998-2001

This one was just a stupid name from the get go. Sure, it had the benefit of aptness -- it was, indeed, a show about two guys, a girl and the pizza place in which those two guys worked -- but that’s about all. Notable for offering up breakout roles for Traylor Howard (Monk) and Ryan Reynolds (y’know… everything) -- and not so very breakout for that guy who played Pete, which is a shame, because he was great as Pete and deserved better than to be relegated to such things as second lead in last year’s A Nanny for Christmas -- even a latter-day change to Two Guys and a Girl (aw, poor, rejected pizza place!) couldn’t do much to help matters, and the series ended after four barb-filled seasons. It is also the third series listed herein to feature Nathan Fillion. Lucky Castle works, or he’d truly be the king of this phenomenon.

Viva Laughlin
CBS
2007

Okay, everything about this show was bad. But the title did it no favors… and the original UK series on which it was based, Blackpool, is a hell of a lot of fun. Just what might have been, had the improbable locale of Laughlin been replaced by… well… anywhere else? (No, you know what? If they’d still had that guy singing “I’m Still Standing” while riding on an escalator, even being set in Vegas wouldn’t have helped it.)

If you somehow haven't seen it yet, watch this!

Ah, the lovely Mädchen Amick. One has to wonder if you’d have fared better, post-Twin Peaks, with a less troublesome name, too.

  -- Rachel Hyland