THE TOP 13... GEEK GIFTS
Why The Top 13?
Sure, there’s Saturn 3, Babylon 5, Blake’s 7 and District 9. But what number could be geekier than 13? Not only is there its inherent creepiness, but there’s also The 13th Immortal, The 13th Warrior and The 13th Floor. There’s spooky gore-fest Friday the 13th and those plucky, kick-ass comic book kids, Gen13. There’s Warehouse 13, The X-Files' oft-referenced 1013, and the 13 tribes of Kobol. Plus, the Munsters lived at 1313 Mockingbird Lane. So, we at Geek Speak Magazine bring you the Top 13 of... well, whatever strikes our fancy.
Just be glad we didn’t elect to go with The Top 1701...
Sure, there’s Saturn 3, Babylon 5, Blake’s 7 and District 9. But what number could be geekier than 13? Not only is there its inherent creepiness, but there’s also The 13th Immortal, The 13th Warrior and The 13th Floor. There’s spooky gore-fest Friday the 13th and those plucky, kick-ass comic book kids, Gen13. There’s Warehouse 13, The X-Files' oft-referenced 1013, and the 13 tribes of Kobol. Plus, the Munsters lived at 1313 Mockingbird Lane. So, we at Geek Speak Magazine bring you the Top 13 of... well, whatever strikes our fancy.
Just be glad we didn’t elect to go with The Top 1701...
Weary of giving the same old Star Trek desk calendar to the geek in your life whenever a present is required? True, there are plenty of easy options out there for one to give a genre fan, but eventually, after all the action figures have been collected and the model spaceships have been built, the bumper stickers have been stuck and the themed Monopoly editions played, the time will surely come when that geek gets increasingly difficult to buy for.
Which is where we come in! Below is a list of various kinds of clothing, curiosities and commemorative paraphernalia that may very well offer some solutions to your geek gift giving needs. And the nominees are:
(But a very cool nothing)
Okay, so we all know that a plot of land on the moon has no actual value, and that astronomers the world over won’t really designate that particular star you purchased in someone’s name by that someone’s name, but that doesn’t make these gifts any less cool. Sure, basically what you’re paying for is laser printing and a pseudo-official seal, but the warm feeling you will be bestowing on your beloved will truly be out of this world.
Forever! Finally, the gift that literally keeps on giving.
2. GEEK CHIC
(T-Shirts)
Sure, we all know geeks who wear the names and casts of their favorite TV shows emblazoned across their chests, but when it comes to geek T-shirt gifting, subtle is emphatically the way to go. William McKinley High School. Gallifrey University. Stark Industries. Buy More. Merlotte’s Bar and Grill. Fringe Division. That kind of thing.
When it comes to T-shirt slogans, you’ll get extra geek points
of you steer clear of your “Team Edward”s or your “Live Long and
Prosper”s and go for more obscure references like “Part
Toaster”, “Meet Winona”, “Indeed”, “Got Yogurt?” or “Reavers Ate
My Homework”. Also acceptable: any unexplained emblem or
insignia of a fictional organization (the SGC, the United
Federation of Planets, The Royal Manticoran Navy, the Dharma
Initiative, etc.) and superhero emblems also work -- for which
see The Big Bang Theory’s Sheldon Cooper as Exhibit A.
And then there are the ones that are just too clever by half: “Is it solipsistic in here or is it just me?”; “There's no place like 127.0.0.1”, “Math Geeks: ∞ Like This”, “Reunite Gondwanaland”. You can even get T-shirts with built-in Wi-Fi detectors! Can you think of anything more geek chic than that?
3. GEEK CHIC
(Accessories)
Okay, so maybe a Starfleet uniform or some Wonder Woman hot pants would be going a little overboard, but if even if your favorite geek isn’t quite ready to go the full Klingon, there is no reason why they still can’t wear a little piece of their hobby and/or obsession.
From a Claddagh ring like the one Angel gave Buffy to Gollum’s precious One Ring; from Edward Cullen’s leather wrist cuff to Damon Salvatore’s signet necklace; from the knitted hat that Ma Cobb sent Jayne (follow this pattern to knit it yourself) to the Fourth Doctor’s signature long scarf (follow this pattern; what, you can knit, can’t you?) there is a plethora of geeky goodness out there in the world of accessories.
Discreet metal pins are popular, with everything from a Cardassian Union warship to the Great Seal of Barrayar to the symbol of Gryffindor House available. Belt buckles are out there too, shaped in all manner of ways: the Rebel Alliance logo, a Moonanite, a Duff Beer bottle cap, a Decepticon. Headwear is also popular, with everything from a Naruto ninja headband to one
of
Jack O’Neill’s signature baseball caps on the market; and you
can even get Matrix
sunglasses.
And what about bags? From an Anita Blake: US Marshal knapsack to a tote claiming to hail from Sunnydale’s premier occult dealer, The Magic Box, to the Iron Man Mark V briefcase (and no, it doesn’t transform into powered armor … darn it), you can carry around your necessities in style. Oh, and umbrellas: choose from a Bladerunner-style number, one that slips into a Samurai sword case or one that is POWERED BY RAIN! ‘Cause who doesn’t need a rain-powered umbrella? No one, that’s who!
4. GEEK CHIC
(Homewares)
From a set of silver chalices emblazoned with the triquetra of the Charmed Ones to a Wampa Rug (nearly naked Princess Leia not included) to some Starfleet Academy titanium sporks -- no, not kidding -- no geek home is complete without at least one nod to some galaxy or other, whether far, far away or otherwise. A set of Death Star Trash Compactor bookends, an Oceanic Airlines keepsake box, a set of Crashdown Café placemats, a “Jasper’s Vampire Boot Camp” yoga mat, a “Castiel is My Guardian Angel” knee rug, or an Ouran High School Host Club beach towel can’t help but delight the Star Wars, Lost, Roswell, Twilight, Supernatural or manga fan. And how about cookie cutters in the shape of ninjas? Gingerbread ninjas! It could hardly be a proper geek
holiday without them.
For the wall, you could go obvious, and give your Chuck fan a poster of Zachary Levi. There would certainly be nothing wrong with that! But you could also give your Chuck fan the exact TRON poster that hangs on Chuck Bartowski’s very own wall, and that would be ever better. You could give your Trekkie a picture of Jean-Luc Picard… or you could give them the cryptic but evocative “Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra.” You could give your X-Phile a poster of Mulder and Scully, or one (almost equally familiar) that reads “I Want to Believe.”
Hilarious cartoonist (and friend of Geek Speak) Mark Gonyea also has a tremendous range of geek friendly posters available for purchase at his website. We can’t recommend them highly enough.
5. RETRO VIDEO GAME MEMORABILIA
From Frogger Band-Aids to a Space Invaders business card case, if the game was ever played with a joystick then chances are your geek will think it’s déjà cool all over again. Whether you give a Sonic the Hedgehog throw pillow, a silicone Pacman oven mitt, a belt buckle featuring The Legend of Zelda’s Hylian Shield, a Super Mario Bros. BaBomb full of candy powder, a messenger bag printed with a Galaga spaceship or a Tetris block-shaped lamp, your gift is sure to earn a high score.
6. DVD BOXSETS OF KIDS’ SHOWS
FROM THE PAST
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Speed Racer. Transformers. Thundercats. Thunderbirds. (Thunder… anything, really.) Inspector Gadget. The Smurfs. Hell, even that Gummi Bears cartoon has gotten a DVD release, for anyone who wants to relive the wondrous properties of Gummi Berry Juice. Of particular note this holiday season: The He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special.
[Rachel’s Note: the Fraggle Rock Complete DVD Collection I got this Christmas may well be the best present I’ve EVER received. Thanks again, Megan and Glenn!]
7. NORMAL THINGS THAT ARE MADE
TO LOOK LIKE OTHER, COOLER THINGS
From a universal remote in the shape of a wizard’s wand to a box of mints masquerading as a Wii controller, this kind of geek conceit is ever bound to delight. Examples include a letter opener in the shape of Xena’s pal Gabrielle’s katana, a Lego brick alarm clock, lightsaber chopsticks, an iPod dock masquerading as an old school LP turntable, a sonic screwdriver flashlight and a USS Enterprise bottle opener. And let us not forget the current reigning champion of this phenomenon: USB thumb drives. You can get R2D2, the TARDIS, Tigatron, WALL-E, various characters from Doraemon, a microscope and even a Swiss Army Knife. Data storage has never been so adorable.
8. USELESS BUT AWESOME
A plush Tribble. A scale model of the Winchesters’ 1967 Impala. A miniature catapult. A Weighted Companion Cube. A Buy-Moria desktop flag. These may be dust collectors with little to no redeeming practical value, but MAN are they awesome. Also of note: a flux, capacitor, Hermione’s Time Turner, The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, and those sets of Micro Machines featuring various spaceships from Stars Trek and Wars, as well as Babylon 5, any of which are bound to make any geek’s heart go giddy up.
9. ONE MAN’S TRASH…
Happened upon a stack of old Analog magazines at a garage sale, or a vinyl copy of “Star Trekkin’” by The Firm at a thrift store? Did you discover an original movie poster for The Last Starfighter in the $1 pile at a flea market or discover a box of ill-assorted TOPPS trading cards in your attic? You may not consider these worth anything at all, but the geek in your life surely will. Snap up those bargains... they really are a geek’s treasure.
10. ROBOTS
Obviously.
Like this one:
Or this one:
Or Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots, eat your plastic hearts out...
11. GEEK JR.
They’re never too young to put them on the road to a happy geek future with some none-too-subtle conditioning (though we concede these gifts are probably more for the parents then the children). Whether it’s a onesie with the words CHOSEN ONE emblazoned across it, a bib with an arrow pointing upwards, reading “Zombie Snack”, or a pacifier embedded with LED lights, when it comes to geek parenting, it’s probably best to begin as to mean to go on.
Books like Robert Schnakenberg’s 500 Sci-Fi Baby Names, from our good friends at Quirk Books, can also get a geek kid off to a decent start in life -- sample suggestions: Allura, Buckaroo, Chakotay and Delenn -- and the recent mash-up Dick and Jane and Vampires can't help but delight. Or what about an iPod shuffle preloaded with the Lord of the Rings and Star Wars scores, “The Ballad of Firefly”, Julee Cruise’s “Falling”, any or all of the tunes from our Top 13… Genre-Themed Songs, along with perhaps a few of the Glee soundtracks, William Shatner’s The Transformed Man and Kaley Cuoco’s rendition of “Soft Kitty”? No lullaby collection could ever compare.
12.
FOOD & BEVERAGES
Go beyond the tried and true Astronaut Ice Cream and apposite Pez Dispensers and consider purchasing some Stay Puft Marshmallows, a bottle of Tru-Blood, a pouch of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans or a packet of Cheesy Poofs. Perhaps throw in a six pack of Duff Beer or
Romulan Ale. For a more personal
touch, maybe make some
Lembas Bread,
some of the White Witch's signature Turkish Delight or even some baconated grapefruit.
Or, of course, you could always give your Kyle XY fan some Sour Patch Kids, your Warehouse 13 fan some Twizzlers, your Fringe fan some Redvines, your Roswell fan some Tabasco Sauce or your Chuck fan a gift certificate to Subway. Shameless product placement at least has the virtue of making a solid gift idea.
Just stay away from the Soylent Green.
13. WEAPONRY
Sure your geek would probably dig on a Commonwealth force lance, a replica Clan McLeod blade, a phaser with action sounds or a realistic-looking Colonial Blaster. He or she even might love to own Michaelangelo’s nunchucks, Voltron’s dagger, a Goa’uld zat’nik’atel or Batman’s spear gun. (The Bat Spear Gun!) But it’s also very possible that you really needn’t go to all that trouble.
’Cause, one word: Nerf.
--
Rachel Hyland
Sure, we all know geeks who wear the names and casts of their favorite TV shows emblazoned across their chests, but when it comes to geek T-shirt gifting, subtle is emphatically the way to go. William McKinley High School. Gallifrey University. Stark Industries. Buy More. Merlotte’s Bar and Grill. Fringe Division. That kind of thing.
And then there are the ones that are just too clever by half: “Is it solipsistic in here or is it just me?”; “There's no place like 127.0.0.1”, “Math Geeks: ∞ Like This”, “Reunite Gondwanaland”. You can even get T-shirts with built-in Wi-Fi detectors! Can you think of anything more geek chic than that?
 Damon's Signet Necklace, from The Vampire Diaries. What a girl! |
(Accessories)
Okay, so maybe a Starfleet uniform or some Wonder Woman hot pants would be going a little overboard, but if even if your favorite geek isn’t quite ready to go the full Klingon, there is no reason why they still can’t wear a little piece of their hobby and/or obsession.
From a Claddagh ring like the one Angel gave Buffy to Gollum’s precious One Ring; from Edward Cullen’s leather wrist cuff to Damon Salvatore’s signet necklace; from the knitted hat that Ma Cobb sent Jayne (follow this pattern to knit it yourself) to the Fourth Doctor’s signature long scarf (follow this pattern; what, you can knit, can’t you?) there is a plethora of geeky goodness out there in the world of accessories.
Discreet metal pins are popular, with everything from a Cardassian Union warship to the Great Seal of Barrayar to the symbol of Gryffindor House available. Belt buckles are out there too, shaped in all manner of ways: the Rebel Alliance logo, a Moonanite, a Duff Beer bottle cap, a Decepticon. Headwear is also popular, with everything from a Naruto ninja headband to one
of
Jack O’Neill’s signature baseball caps on the market; and you
can even get Matrix
sunglasses. And what about bags? From an Anita Blake: US Marshal knapsack to a tote claiming to hail from Sunnydale’s premier occult dealer, The Magic Box, to the Iron Man Mark V briefcase (and no, it doesn’t transform into powered armor … darn it), you can carry around your necessities in style. Oh, and umbrellas: choose from a Bladerunner-style number, one that slips into a Samurai sword case or one that is POWERED BY RAIN! ‘Cause who doesn’t need a rain-powered umbrella? No one, that’s who!
4. GEEK CHIC (Homewares)
From a set of silver chalices emblazoned with the triquetra of the Charmed Ones to a Wampa Rug (nearly naked Princess Leia not included) to some Starfleet Academy titanium sporks -- no, not kidding -- no geek home is complete without at least one nod to some galaxy or other, whether far, far away or otherwise. A set of Death Star Trash Compactor bookends, an Oceanic Airlines keepsake box, a set of Crashdown Café placemats, a “Jasper’s Vampire Boot Camp” yoga mat, a “Castiel is My Guardian Angel” knee rug, or an Ouran High School Host Club beach towel can’t help but delight the Star Wars, Lost, Roswell, Twilight, Supernatural or manga fan. And how about cookie cutters in the shape of ninjas? Gingerbread ninjas! It could hardly be a proper geek
holiday without them.For the wall, you could go obvious, and give your Chuck fan a poster of Zachary Levi. There would certainly be nothing wrong with that! But you could also give your Chuck fan the exact TRON poster that hangs on Chuck Bartowski’s very own wall, and that would be ever better. You could give your Trekkie a picture of Jean-Luc Picard… or you could give them the cryptic but evocative “Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra.” You could give your X-Phile a poster of Mulder and Scully, or one (almost equally familiar) that reads “I Want to Believe.”
Hilarious cartoonist (and friend of Geek Speak) Mark Gonyea also has a tremendous range of geek friendly posters available for purchase at his website. We can’t recommend them highly enough.
5. RETRO VIDEO GAME MEMORABILIAFrom Frogger Band-Aids to a Space Invaders business card case, if the game was ever played with a joystick then chances are your geek will think it’s déjà cool all over again. Whether you give a Sonic the Hedgehog throw pillow, a silicone Pacman oven mitt, a belt buckle featuring The Legend of Zelda’s Hylian Shield, a Super Mario Bros. BaBomb full of candy powder, a messenger bag printed with a Galaga spaceship or a Tetris block-shaped lamp, your gift is sure to earn a high score.
6. DVD BOXSETS OF KIDS’ SHOWS
FROM THE PASTTeenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Speed Racer. Transformers. Thundercats. Thunderbirds. (Thunder… anything, really.) Inspector Gadget. The Smurfs. Hell, even that Gummi Bears cartoon has gotten a DVD release, for anyone who wants to relive the wondrous properties of Gummi Berry Juice. Of particular note this holiday season: The He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special.
[Rachel’s Note: the Fraggle Rock Complete DVD Collection I got this Christmas may well be the best present I’ve EVER received. Thanks again, Megan and Glenn!]
7. NORMAL THINGS THAT ARE MADE
TO LOOK LIKE OTHER, COOLER THINGSFrom a universal remote in the shape of a wizard’s wand to a box of mints masquerading as a Wii controller, this kind of geek conceit is ever bound to delight. Examples include a letter opener in the shape of Xena’s pal Gabrielle’s katana, a Lego brick alarm clock, lightsaber chopsticks, an iPod dock masquerading as an old school LP turntable, a sonic screwdriver flashlight and a USS Enterprise bottle opener. And let us not forget the current reigning champion of this phenomenon: USB thumb drives. You can get R2D2, the TARDIS, Tigatron, WALL-E, various characters from Doraemon, a microscope and even a Swiss Army Knife. Data storage has never been so adorable.
8. USELESS BUT AWESOME A plush Tribble. A scale model of the Winchesters’ 1967 Impala. A miniature catapult. A Weighted Companion Cube. A Buy-Moria desktop flag. These may be dust collectors with little to no redeeming practical value, but MAN are they awesome. Also of note: a flux, capacitor, Hermione’s Time Turner, The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, and those sets of Micro Machines featuring various spaceships from Stars Trek and Wars, as well as Babylon 5, any of which are bound to make any geek’s heart go giddy up.
9. ONE MAN’S TRASH…Happened upon a stack of old Analog magazines at a garage sale, or a vinyl copy of “Star Trekkin’” by The Firm at a thrift store? Did you discover an original movie poster for The Last Starfighter in the $1 pile at a flea market or discover a box of ill-assorted TOPPS trading cards in your attic? You may not consider these worth anything at all, but the geek in your life surely will. Snap up those bargains... they really are a geek’s treasure.
10. ROBOTS
Obviously.
Like this one:
 Cute! |
Or this one:
 Robot Spider! |
Or Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots, eat your plastic hearts out...
 |
11. GEEK JR.They’re never too young to put them on the road to a happy geek future with some none-too-subtle conditioning (though we concede these gifts are probably more for the parents then the children). Whether it’s a onesie with the words CHOSEN ONE emblazoned across it, a bib with an arrow pointing upwards, reading “Zombie Snack”, or a pacifier embedded with LED lights, when it comes to geek parenting, it’s probably best to begin as to mean to go on.
Books like Robert Schnakenberg’s 500 Sci-Fi Baby Names, from our good friends at Quirk Books, can also get a geek kid off to a decent start in life -- sample suggestions: Allura, Buckaroo, Chakotay and Delenn -- and the recent mash-up Dick and Jane and Vampires can't help but delight. Or what about an iPod shuffle preloaded with the Lord of the Rings and Star Wars scores, “The Ballad of Firefly”, Julee Cruise’s “Falling”, any or all of the tunes from our Top 13… Genre-Themed Songs, along with perhaps a few of the Glee soundtracks, William Shatner’s The Transformed Man and Kaley Cuoco’s rendition of “Soft Kitty”? No lullaby collection could ever compare.
Go beyond the tried and true Astronaut Ice Cream and apposite Pez Dispensers and consider purchasing some Stay Puft Marshmallows, a bottle of Tru-Blood, a pouch of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans or a packet of Cheesy Poofs. Perhaps throw in a six pack of Duff Beer or
 Fringe's Walter Bishop downs a Redvine while performing an autopsy. Tasty! |
Or, of course, you could always give your Kyle XY fan some Sour Patch Kids, your Warehouse 13 fan some Twizzlers, your Fringe fan some Redvines, your Roswell fan some Tabasco Sauce or your Chuck fan a gift certificate to Subway. Shameless product placement at least has the virtue of making a solid gift idea.
Just stay away from the Soylent Green.
13. WEAPONRYSure your geek would probably dig on a Commonwealth force lance, a replica Clan McLeod blade, a phaser with action sounds or a realistic-looking Colonial Blaster. He or she even might love to own Michaelangelo’s nunchucks, Voltron’s dagger, a Goa’uld zat’nik’atel or Batman’s spear gun. (The Bat Spear Gun!) But it’s also very possible that you really needn’t go to all that trouble.
’Cause, one word: Nerf.
--
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